More of the best of Opinion Line 2014

I’m glad Fox News is finally done with the so-called war on Christmas that it trots out every December. Now it can get back to what really matters to it and Republicans, the war on Labor Day.

Colorado has become a lot like Washington, D.C., in that as of Jan. 1, the dopes have taken over.

I find it interesting that pot becomes legal in Colorado and soon thereafter we get five new insipid comics in The Eagle. Is there a connection?

It seems it’s no longer in to have a set of TruckNutz under the 4x4. Now, if we could only get those guys to use turn signals and give up those enormous side-view mirrors that seem designed to snag some poor bicyclist by the neck, we’d be making real progress.

Why change the airport name? So visitors do not think we failed seventh-grade geography. That alone is worth the money.

You know you are from Kansas if, upon meeting new people, one of the first questions is: “Where do you go to church?”

The sun is shining in Kansas, except when you sneak around in the middle of the night passing bad legislation that hurts teachers.

The next law coming down the pike will probably be a requirement that every newborn baby be issued a gun permit, along with his or her birth certificate.

Since Tim Huelskamp refers to the Affordable Care Act as “Obamascare,” I’m sure he won’t mind if we refer to him as “Congressman Foolskamp.”

Hillary Clinton claims she is not thinking about running for president in 2016. I think that would depend on what the definition of “is” is.

We now can realize why Obama goofed up his saying of the presidential oath after the 2008 election, as he didn’t intend to follow it.

Instead of winning a job he thought was like shooting fish in a barrel, Obama has become one of the fish in the barrel.

If you don’t like the scandal in the White House, check back tomorrow.

I wonder if the state could pass a law stating that I can’t be fired for refusing to serve anyone who voted for Sam Brownback.

Coming soon from Topeka, a revised Pledge of Allegiance ending: “with liberty and justice for all, with the following exceptions....”

You can’t say our president doesn’t now have military experience. He’s been spending our tax dollars like a drunken sailor for five years now.

The restoration of the Statehouse in Topeka was way too thorough. When it comes to economic and social issues, our Legislature now thinks it is 1886.

Milton Wolf, tea party favorite for Kansas senator, admits posting X-ray images of fatal gunshot wounds and medical injuries on his personal Facebook page several years ago. I suppose we should be thankful he’s not a gynecologist.

Since this is the wacko legislative session, I propose a bill making it illegal for unmarried men to buy Viagra. Men should be required to produce a Kansas marriage license and a signed note from their wives.

As a member of the U.S. Senate in 2009, Sam Brownback sponsored a bill to outlaw breeding animal-human hybrids. Is it any wonder Kansas government is so bizarre and embarrassing? Has anybody spotted any mermaids in Cheney Reservoir lately?

The only way anyone benefits from the Tiahrt-Pompeo race is if both men auction off their egos and give the results to charity.

One way to view the new Wichita Dwight D. Eisenhower National Airport: Since the state’s politics have also gone back 50 years, the new name is very appropriate.

I’m in the tax bracket called “if you earned something, send it in.”

Kansas campaign-finance reform: Hide the money in a science book.

White people saying there is no racial bigotry toward African-Americans is like a man telling a woman there is no pain in childbirth.

The beautiful colors of the fall foliage are like a dog’s life. Too short.

We had a lawn chair fall over after the earthquake. I don’t know how long it will take, but we will rebuild.

Two endangered species in Kansas: the lesser prairie chicken and good public school teachers.

Too bad you can’t get in shape by sitting on machines in gyms and staring at mobile phones and other “devices.” We would have a whole city of Olympic-caliber athletes.

What? Hollywood used artistic license with the movie “Noah”? Next someone will tell me that Abraham Lincoln didn’t hunt vampires.

The Legislature needs to get back to serious issues, such as how many inches there should be between table dancers and patrons.

I am not saying that I have gained too much weight lately, but my tattoo of a rowboat has turned into a battleship.

I believe we have reached that point in history where being clueless is an asset.

All hail, spring – the season where you dig up the plants that died last year and plant the ones that will die this year.

If you find an engineer who wants to give up his engineering salary to teach high school students math, science or technology at a schoolteacher’s salary, he really isn’t that good at math.

Even with teachers losing the right to due process, it may be difficult to get rid of a poorly performing teacher – especially if his team made the play-offs last fall.

Since any environmental restrictions on energy production are so evil, I propose we build an oil refinery in Vickridge and a coal-fired power plant in Eastborough. Just think of all the jobs that will be created.

The Obama administration has made me feel like I’m on an amusement park ride. It was exciting for a short while, but then I got nauseated, and now I think I’m gonna puke.

How do you tell the difference between a Republican and a Democrat? Republicans sign their checks on the front. Democrats sign their checks on the back.

These days when a politician says “the buck stops here,” he is usually pointing at his own pocket.

When are the big automakers going to recall all the vehicles they have sent to Wichita without any turn signals?

I like events like Riverfest and the State Fair. Where else can you get a 75-cent ear of corn for only four bucks?

Public service announcement to those attending the Riverfest: Wear deodorant.

So which is it? Is President Obama a socialist dictator secretly and slowly destroying this nation from the inside out? Or is Obama so incompetent that he couldn’t run a lemonade stand?

Who says Wichita drivers don’t use turn signals? I followed one last week for two miles who had his left signal blinking. He finally turned right.

Who made the decision to make carrots as hard as a rock?

Regarding a person ripping a clock out of a wall at an estate sale: Anyone who would steal a clock has way too much time on their hands.

Someone (Obama maybe?) must have replaced Brownback’s shot of adrenaline for the Kansas economy with a shot of saline water.

It’s a good thing cars are getting smarter as people get dumber.

I believe all political ads on TV should be preceded by a Preparation H ad and followed by an antidiarrheal ad.

The later in the day it gets, the farther I have to stand from the urinal to avoid stepping in bodily fluids. Come on, guys. Would you do this in your mom’s bathroom?

If our governor has created 55,000 jobs, they must be all the lawyers defending the dumb laws the Legislature has passed the last three years.

Trying to convince voters that Sam Brownback is an education booster is kind of like convincing them Billy the Kid was improving law enforcement by eliminating those officers too slow on the draw.

Every time I see someone with ugly tattoos, I always want to ask, “Just how drunk were you?”

If you pull a trailer through a drive-through, you’re a special kind of stupid.

Obama has stolen a line from my husband: “I was just getting ready to think about planning on trying....”

Drive through Wichita on a cold day and you will see homeless people huddled in corners. If only there were some way to get private donations or county funding to build a shelter for these poor people. I know – let’s disguise them as elephants.

Thanks to Brownback there is now something flatter than Kansas – Kansas’ economy.

I saw the new Pat Roberts action figure at a retail store. When you pull the string it says, “Stop Harry Reid and Barack Obama.” It comes with a “Virginia Is for Lovers” bumper sticker, too.

Never before, on stage, screen or TV, has an actress portrayed anguish, misery and pain better than poor “Becky” from Topeka.

Saying free birth control cuts chance of teen pregnancy and abortions is like saying free gasoline cuts your chance of an automobile accident.

I’m glad to see that the Kellogg Super Speedway is getting closer to completion. Now the guy in the red Challenger who drives 80-plus every morning may be able to top 100.

Gov. Sam Brownback to Kansans: You’ve got another foot. Why not shoot it, too?

“Obama! Obama! Obama! Reid! Reid! Reid!” There. I just wrote a new Brownback or Roberts ad.

Each Friday when I return to Wichita from another week of out-of-town business and approach the city limits, I search for a sign that reads, “Under new management.” Wishful thinking.

Congressional Democrats still haven’t learned that it’s not smart to squat when wearing spurs.

An elephant dies at the zoo and the Republicans win re-election – coincidence?

It used to be that all this country needed was a good 5-cent cigar. Look at us now.

At least we now know one thing for sure: Officer Darren Wilson is not a ham sandwich.

I’ve got the perfect present idea for your liberal friends and family this holiday season: humble pie.

I know there is a “do not call” list. There needs to be a “do not leave another phone book at my door” list.

It’s a good thing the sun is always shining in Kansas. The best qualified teachers are going to need all that light to travel to other states.

This story was originally published December 27, 2014 at 6:02 PM with the headline "More of the best of Opinion Line 2014."