‘Golden Bachelorette’ episode 5: ‘He’s a Joan hog’

Just when it looked like the fifth episode of “The Golden Bachelorette” was going to be too boring to recap, the drama happened:

The guys went bowling.

That part, which was only a couple of notches above the tedium of when they played kickball, got juicy because of how the men piled on Wichitan Chock Chapple.

Chock sidled up to Bachelorette Joan Vassos and didn’t seem to leave her side — or was that the editing? — unless it was his turn to bowl.

As one Wichita friend texted about Chock during the show: “He’s a Joan hog.”

The other contenders weren’t shy about mentioning it, either, and had numerous comments.

“He’s going full-court press.”

“Chock really wants it.”

“It was in your face, Chock and Joan together like a couple. . . . I’m like, whoa.”

One man even said something directly to Chock about giving everyone else a chance, which he said was the polite thing to do.

The only person who didn’t seem to mind was Vassos, who was curled up next to Chock, who acted like he already has this in the bag.

“Another question,” he said to Joan. “Which side of the bed?”

Whoa indeed.

(And it’s the right side as you look at the bed, in case you care.)

One person even asked if there was going to be a brawl on the way back to the mansion.

Chock has been friendly enough with the other guys — although was that a death stare he gave Mark after Joan requested a private meeting? — but it’s clear he’s there to win. This episode left no room for doubt.

“I don’t care what they’re thinking, they’re doing,” he said of his bowling alley naysayers. “That’s their business. I’m just worried about Joan and myself.”

As they had a private conversation at the alley about being a twosome, Chock stared intently into Joan’s eyes and said, “I am ready.”

She, too, said, “I absolutely see a future with you, and I think it’s been obvious for awhile.”

Of course, judging from past shows, that doesn’t mean its Chock who she’ll choose.

Joan’s hometown trip to Wichita will be featured in next week’s show.

The finalists who also get hometown visits include Pascal, Guy and Jordan.

It was a shocker to see Keith and Jonathan go, and it was sad to say goodbye to Mark, too. All three are worthy of their own “Golden Bachelor” shows.

However, if that doesn’t happen, guys, there are a number of Wichita women who’d be happy to host you for their personal hometown visits. Come on over.