Umpire Mark Goldfeder finds new life purpose after Kaiser Carlile accident

Tuesday marks the one-year anniversary of Kaiser Carlile’s death.

The Liberal Bee Jays play in the NBC World Series that night and Kaiser’s family will be in attendance and throw out the first pitch before the 7 p.m. game. Donate Life Kansas will be having Donate Life Day, handing out green bracelets with the goal of 1,000 people to sign up to be organ donors like Kaiser.

Mark Goldfeder, the umpire who was behind the plate the game Kaiser was accidentally hit, will also be there. He will arrive two days before he is scheduled to umpire for the 16th straight year in the World Series because a part of him feels like it is necessary to be there.

He still carries the baseball cards of Kaiser in his wallet, a reminder of the day when his life changed forever.

“Kaiser Carlile is still with me every day,” Goldfeder said. “And I still have the other elements of that game that came along with me, as well. But something else that came out of that day was that I found a higher mission in life.”

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When Goldfeder made the 21-hour drive back to Florida, he went home a hero.

Friends and family applauded him for aiding the bat boy and using his skills as a paramedic to ensure Kaiser was taken to the hospital in the best possible condition. Umps Care, a charity organization established by Major League Baseball umpires, commended Goldfeder for his service.

The problems began on Goldfeder’s first day back on the job, which was the same day as Kaiser’s funeral in Liberal.

“That was not a good day for me at work,” Goldfeder said. “(The praise) was all well and good, but the fact was that I was 1,300 miles away from the incident and I didn’t have support. I fell into a bit of a dark place, and I’m not ashamed to say that.”

Two decades of instructing others helped him identify he had signs and symptons of post-tramustic stress disorder. Goldfeder took two weeks off work, sought help and found support and treatment that worked for him and he was able to pull out of his depression. There are still some times when his mind wanders, but he now feels in control of his situation.

He became interested in the subject, especially in his line of work. So he began conducting his own research and the results weren’t pretty.

“Suicides among firefighters are escalating at an alarming rate and it’s kind of like the dirty, little secret in the emergency responders arena,” Goldfeder said. “Because of the incident and because of the past I have endured, it became my mission to spread the word and help raise awareness and help others avoid those negative outcomes.”

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Several factors about that day have led those involved to believe a higher power was at work.

An ambulance was already at the stadium when the accident happened, stationed outside helping an elderly woman with heat exhaustion. Goldfeder wasn’t originally scheduled to umpire the game, as he was switched at the last minute to call balls and strikes for the Aug. 1 game between the Liberal Bee Jays and the San Diego Wave.

“I have never been a heavily religious person and I don’t necessarily subscribe to divine intervention,” Goldfeder said. “However, I do maintain the belief that everything happens for a reason. There was a plan made by somebody way over my head and there was a reason why I was put in that spot in that time at that very place.”

Gayle Glenn, Kaiser’s mother, never had the chance to thank Goldfeder after the accident. She hopes Tuesday is the night when she’s able to finally meet him.

“I would say I am deeply sorry for the trauma that he experienced, but I think it’s amazing and it says a lot about his character that he’s been able to talk about it and help others and find a way to have all of this come out for the better,” Glenn said. “The fact is we’re all in this together, regardless of what happened and who knew who. We’re all in this tragedy together and we’re there for him.”

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Studies have shown there are more deaths from suicides than in the line of duty among United States firefighters the past two years. This year is following the same pattern.

“There is this mentality of ‘We’re the heroes, nothing bothers us,’ ” Goldfeder said. “Statistically and through research, we know this is not true. There is an organizational culture change that needs to happen within the fire service and it is my goal to help facilitate that culture change within the first responders arena.”

So Goldfeder travels with a 65-slide Powerpoint presentation and offers to speak to firefighters whenever he is on the road, trying to tear down the ‘I’m-too-tough’ mentality.

“It’s okay to say that you had a bad call and you want to talk to somebody about it,” Goldfeder said. “It’s okay to admit you’re having a rough time and you want to speak out. And then from the administrative side, we need to say, ‘We want you to speak up and it’s okay to speak up.’ We need to give these guys the support and the resources they need to get to where they need to be.”

Goldfeder plans on presenting his story to Wichita firefighters sometime in the coming week with hopes of the program catching on, so he can take it nationwide.

The most powerful slide is always the last one. He leaves it on the screen for awhile to let the message sink in.

“If we can save one person from the negative affects of stress, we win,” it reads. “If we save more than one person, we all win.”

This story was originally published August 1, 2016 at 4:44 PM with the headline "Umpire Mark Goldfeder finds new life purpose after Kaiser Carlile accident."