United — finally — against ‘boneless wings’? One Wichita leader hopes so
Wichita City Council member Brandon Johnson put forward some important business recently, which was overlooked amid a marathon session on the city’s face-mask mandate.
Inspired by a man who addressed city leaders in Lincoln, Nebraska, earlier this month, Johnson wants to do away with the phrase “boneless chicken wings” in Wichita.
“We recently witnessed a great American patriot . . . speak to a topic that I believe is 1,000% true,” Johnson said toward the end of the Wichita council’s Sept. 8 meeting.
“After great research, including this weekend on my grill, I made some very detailed observations (about) wings vs. chicken breasts and thighs,” he said.
“It was clear to me that chicken cannot fly without wings. . . . So I’m hopeful that we can all see the truth in this issue. We could soar above other cities that have yet to take action.”
Johnson crafted an ordinance that he plans to propose at next week’s council meeting.
“Whereas boneless wings are not boneless wings — they are chicken chunks, chicken nuggets, maybe even ‘saucy nuggs’ — and whereas the city of Wichita stands for truth,” he said.
“Now, therefore, be it ordained that the governing body of the City of Wichita, Kansas, bans the term ‘boneless wings’ within the city limits of Wichita forever.”
Hear, hear! Finally, an issue we can unite around.
Ander Christensen, the 27-year-old Nebraskan whose rant against boneless wings attracted national attention, noted that the sports-bar stable isn’t really made from the wing of a chicken.
“I go into nice family restaurants and I see people throwing this name around and pretending as though everything is just fine,” he said.
“Our children are raised being afraid of having bones attached to their meat,” he said. “That’s where meat comes from — it grows on bones. We need to teach them that the wing of a chicken is from a chicken, and it’s delicious.”
Johnson agrees. I do, too.
It may not be the most consequential issue of our day, but this isn’t just about chicken. It’s a matter of accuracy, transparency and truth.
It’s about calling a wing a wing, and a tender a tender. It’s about agreeing as a society that this one little fact is, indeed, a fact: Chicken wings have bones. Period.
We agree on so little these days. We’re surrounded by animosity, rancor and division. We need a win.
But it’s 2020, and I realize that even this little nugget of unity may not happen. Johnson’s proposal drew a few laughs last week but was promptly dismissed when Mayor Brandon Whipple — normally a political ally of Johnson’s — turned the conversation back toward the mask ordinance and launched into another long discussion about motions and amendments and substitute motions and Robert’s Rules.
It’s possible that next week, Johnson’s proposal to ban the phrase “boneless wings” will spur a lengthy debate.
His colleagues might call it government overreach. They may argue that the city should stay out of the appetizer game, that restaurants should have the right to label menu items however they want. (A hamburger, after all, does not include ham.)
But maybe, just maybe, for one glorious moment, this issue will bring us together.
How delicious that would be.
