A right-wing reading list for school book banners: Guns, LGBT and Trump | Opinion
.PNG "In “Sophie Votes Republican,” a fence-sitting squirrel goes GOP after visits from “Dewey the Donkey” and “Elfie the Elephant.”")
By now, you know about the efforts of conservative parents and grandparents to ban books from schools, particularly those that explore LGBTQ+ themes or suggest the Black or Native American experience in America may not be quite as positive as the white experience.
It’s a weird flex coming from people who claim at the top of their lungs to be all about liberty and freedom, but OK. The constitution does not require intellectual consistency.
Recently, the Goddard school district pulled 29 books from its libraries based on a complaint from one unidentified parent — and then had to put them all back after a committee of school principals and librarians ruled that the books were fine. Embarrassing.
But the real problem here is people like, oh I don’t know, Adolf Hitler and Ayatollah Khomeini, have given book banning a bad name.
Right-wing America, you’re going about this all wrong. What you really should focus on is not getting the libs’ books out of schools, but getting your books into them.
It turns out that there is quite a robust industry in publishing children’s books with a decided spin to the right on current issues from gun control to transgender rights to Trumpism.
Parents and grandparents, I’ve compiled a reading list for the future Fox News acolyte in your home, along with the publishers’ descriptions of what the books are about. These are actual books and available on Amazon:
The Plot Against the King (Beacon of Freedom Publishing House) — “Hillary Queenton and her shifty knight had spread lies that King Donald had cheated to become King. They claimed he was working with the Russionians! But how could that be? Join Kash, the Distinguished Discoverer as he uncovers the plot against the King, and who was really behind all the lies.”
(Note: The author of the book is also named Kash and worked in the Trump administration. Probably just a coincidence)
Why Everyone Needs an AR-15: A Guide for Kids (Independently published): “Guns aren’t bad - people are. But for decades now, the far left in America has been trying to take away the rights afforded to every American Citizen by the Second Amendment. And one of the primary ways they do this? It’s by demonizing the AR-15 rifle . . . So, in this super fun book for kids, we’ll walk you through how awesome the AR-15 is, how it can be used for good, and why the Gun Grabbing Lefties should focus on something more productive.”
(Note: If the kids are ever in a school shooting, they’ll know exactly what they’re being shot with)
Looks like a Cheetah to Me (Defiance Press) — “Follow the story of Gwen the gazelle as she competes as a sprinter in track and field against the other gazelles. One day a cheetah, who claims he is a gazelle, shows up and is allowed to compete.”
(Note: As long as nobody gets eaten, what’s the problem?)
Fame, Blame and the Raft of Shame (Brave Books) — “Deep in the ocean, Starlotte City blooms beneath a dome made of glowing seaweed. The city’s beauty and strength are mirrored by its vibrant culture . . . But, when one star performer suggests that they ought to cancel some animals for insensitive comments, the true strength of the seaweed city and its citizens is put to the test.”
(Note: Or maybe teach the kids not to make insensitive comments in the first place?)
Sophie Votes Republican (Suitable Goose Publishing) — “is a one-of-a-kind illustrated children’s book that uses funny rhymes and unique illustrations to teach kids about patriotism, conservative values, and the importance of voting . . . After a troubling conversation with Dewey the Donkey, the Democratic candidate, and an inspiring chat with Elfie the Elephant, the Republican candidate, Sophie (a squirrel) feels ready to cast her vote. Who does she vote for?”
(Note: You’ll get no spoilers from me)
There are lots more, including “MAGA Kids,” “Little Lives Matter” and “Democrats Are Dumb: A Children’s Guide,” but you get the idea.
Get a few of these in the school library and make the DemonRats have to side with Hitler and the Ayatollah for once.
You’re welcome.
This story was originally published September 2, 2022 at 5:00 AM.
