The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com and theonion.com:
▪ Hillary Clinton: ‘Young Girls Should Have an Equal Opportunity to One Day Feel Power Coursing Through Their Body’
▪ Obama: ‘Hillary Will Fight to Protect My Legacy, Even the Truly Detestable Parts’
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▪ Democrats Schedule Three Straight Hours of Booing to Get It Out of System
▪ Pro-Sanders Phillie Phanatic Mascot Places Masking Tape Reading ‘Silenced’ Over Honker
▪ Biden Regales DNC With Story of ’80s Girl Band Vixen Breaking Hard Rock’s Glass Ceiling
▪ Trump Sick and Tired of Mainstream Media Always Trying to Put His Words Into Some Sort of Context
▪ National Dating Standards Lowered
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