▪ Nation Dreading Next 6 Months of Watching Candidates Trying to Relate to It
▪ Report: 70% of Trump Endorsements Made After Staring at Bedroom Ceiling for 4 Hours
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▪ Obama Alienates Millions With Incendiary Pro-Knowledge Remarks at University Commencement
▪ Man Forced to Venture Pretty Far Into Wilds of Internet to Have Opinion Confirmed
▪ Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End of Universe
▪ Man’s Garbage to Have Much More Significant Effect on Planet Than He Will