More best of Opinion Line

On New Year’s Eve I expected Obama to celebrate as he does every other day of the year, by dropping the ball.

Has anyone else noticed the strong resemblance of Joe Biden to Jeff Dunham’s puppet Walter?

I’m waiting for Bill O’Reilly to write a book about “The O’Reilly Factor.” He can call it “Killing Truth.”

Except for ending slavery, fascism, Nazism and communism, war has never solved a thing.

The day is nearing when whatever is not illegal will be mandatory.

If you or a loved one is an illegal immigrant or disgruntled minority, contact the law offices of Obama, Holder & Clinton immediately. You could be awarded a large cash settlement.

It would be easier for everyone if those who identify as Republican would announce if they have decided they are not running for president.

You know that embarrassing boss who everybody hopes won’t sit at their table at the company picnic? Well, he’s running for president.

If Hillary Clinton decides to end her presidential bid, she can cite health issues. The voters are sick of the Clintons.

At the GOP debate it was just like Jeb Bush to uphold a family tradition of attacking the wrong guy.

Would someone mind hanging up the big picture where Brownback can see it better?

Brownback signs a law barring welfare recipients from using benefits at lingerie shops (requiring them to go commando?). The next day Frederick’s of Hollywood closes 94 stores.

I was so disappointed to turn on “Sesame Street” on Channel 8 and hear Bert and Ernie promoting socialism. Oh, wait – maybe that was a County Commission meeting with Dave Unruh and Tim Norton.

Many of you could save yourself the cost of a gym membership if you bought a big mirror.

Festus Haggen for police chief.

I hate shopping at a grocery store where young people shop. They always walk out the door with a look that proclaims they know exactly where they parked their car.

Earthquakes are not tied to fracking, Anna Nicole Smith married for love, and weapons of mass destruction were in Iraq.

Before fracking, there were very few earthquakes in Kansas. Since fracking began, there have been hundreds of earthquakes in Kansas. To Gov. Sam Brownback and other Republicans, this is proof that there is no connection between fracking and earthquakes.

The NFL: deflated balls and inflated egos.

If Obama is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.

I think the U.S. birthrate is down because boys and girls are too busy looking at their cellphones to notice each other.

Question: Is there anyone living in Butler County whose preferred mode of transportation is not a 4x4?

With 75,000 concealed-carry permit holders in Kansas, you are, statistically speaking, in the same room with at least one of them every single day. You’re welcome.

I think I understand it now. When the jihadist draws back his sword, you offer him a job. He can use the sword to trim your hedge instead of lopping off your head.

When I started working I had nothing. After 35 years of steady employment, I still have most of it left.

People in the United States just found out that Hillary Clinton used a server in her own house for her official State Department e-mails. The Chinese and Russians have probably known it since 2009.

After the new library has been built, they should pass out coupons for free front-end alignments for our vehicles for traveling on Wichita’s streets to get there.

If Wichitans ever get another chance to vote on a tax increase in order to ensure a future water supply, it might be wise to remind those in opposition that you can’t drink oil.

Hillary Clinton reminds me of the neighbor I don’t trust to take care of my cat.

After the marijuana vote passes, I expect the Opinion Line comments will mellow out a little.

When the new Topeka politicos defy Washington, it’s great fun and a source of pride. When common folks in Wichita do the same to Topeka, not so much. Go figure.

I miss Jimmy Carter.

I miss Joan Finney.

The Kansas government should make hypocrisy the official state sin.

Gov. Sam Brownback: Your experiment not only failed, but you blew up the lab. Now who’s going to clean up this mess?

Not once in my 40-plus years of life have I ever felt regret after eating a brownie.

The failed Brownback experiment made Kansas the testing ground for so many bad conservative ideas that we should make the guinea pig our new state animal.

I’m going to take an educated guess that the Kansas welfare recipients booking passage on expensive ocean cruises number about the same as the illegal voters that Kris Kobach has produced.

If you think education is not important, take a look at the Kansas Legislature.

Obama just gave Iraq another $200 million in aid with the promise of billions more. Just declare Kansas a foreign country and watch the money come pouring in. State budget problem solved.

Instead of sending in police in riot gear, I propose we simply send in mothers to get the job done.

If the Kansas Legislature reducing school funding is “just less of an increase,” then reinstating some of the previous tax rates is “just less of a tax cut.”

All the liberals I know are pro-concealed-carry. They just think it ought to be pot that is allowed to be carried.

More than 8,000 dead in Nepal, and Americans are more concerned with the PSI in a football.

Another $400 million shouldn’t be hard to come by. Just have Brownback borrow it from his buddy Jeff Colyer.

Lindsey Graham? I’d vote for a Lindsay Lohan-Heather Graham ticket before I’d trust Lindsey Graham to run the country.

Perhaps Obama can do something about precipitation inequality.

If runners use the city streets for some event or other, shouldn’t I be allowed to legally drive my car along the walking and bike paths?

Now that most people have stopped smoking, Gov. Sam Brownback thinks he’ll make big tax revenues on a huge cigarette tax increase. Why not pass a big tax on Pet Rock and eight-track cartridge sales?

Driving in Wichita is like being a politician in Wichita: Turning left is difficult, dangerous and increasingly impossible.

Hillary Clinton – even her hair is a lie.

In an effort to be more like the Kansas Legislature, I have set my budget and now I am going to find a job that will pay for it.

I have made up my mind: If our next president is named Clinton, Bush or Caitlyn, I’m moving to Canada.

The Eagle said Argentina needs hospital clowns. I volunteer the Kansas Legislature.

Republicans are people whose parents ate hamburger so that they could eat steak but who give their kids hamburger, saying, “It was good enough for your grandparents.”

Sam Brownback tearfully pleading with the Legislature to pass the biggest tax increase in state history – priceless.

Governor, there’s a call on line 1. It’s Grover Norquist. You know that pledge you signed?

Why is Michelle Obama wasting our money traveling to Britain? Can’t she just call them to tell them what they can and can’t eat?

The only way to rationalize Brownback’s behavior – he’s on Koch.

In Wichita, red means stop, green means go, and yellow means go faster.

Every tear shed by a Republican over the Obamacare decision gives an angel its wings.

Thanks to the Supreme Court, I’m another step closer to marrying my goldfish.

Since the one in Mulvane has been so successful, it’s nice to see that southeast Kansas will soon have its own Social Security Redistribution Center.

Kansas students have no need to study the Dark Ages. They’re living in them.

Can anyone inform me of a help line for people who get a silly tune stuck in their head all day?

The U.S. team won at soccer. How long before Obama starts apologizing to the world for that?

Why not replace the Confederate battle flag with the last flag the Confederate Army marched under – a big white one?

I don’t know why members of the press pool complained about being roped in New Hampshire by the Hillary Clinton campaign. The rope has to be more comfortable than the lapdog leashes they normally wear.

Trump thinks gay marriage hurts the sanctity of marriage. And his much younger third wife agrees with him.

When will the astronauts be coming to Kansas to teach physics?

Let’s staff the governor’s plane with an unlicensed pilot.

I’d like to see the birth certificate of whatever that is on Trump’s head.

Trump is about as truthful as his comb-over.

Republicans are like having a control freak boyfriend.

Is there some sort of invisible force field that keeps Wichitans from keeping right when walking down hallways, aisles and sidewalks and through doorways?

Claiming to be a conservative and then saying you support Donald Trump for president is like claiming you’re a vegan, except for the bacon and eggs you have for breakfast every morning and the steak you have for dinner every night.

If the prisoners in Guantanamo Bay are transferred to Fort Leavenworth, I can hear a jihadist begin to sing: “Kansas City, here I come.”

Even at 61, I try to learn something new every day. Sunday I learned that by grilling a pound and a half of bacon, I can create enough fire and smoke to signal a plane if I am on a desert island. Why didn’t Gilligan or the Professor think of this?

The world post-World War II: “Never Again” (Nazis). The world present-day: “Gee, I’ll take yet another selfie and read about the Kardashians” (ISIS).

As one gets older, forgetfulness has its benefits. Getting out of your chair and checking to see if you locked the outside doors four or five times a night is good exercise.

Will someone please print out a new dictionary with words that we may use that will not offend someone?

I hear the Democratic National Committee is selling golf balls for its candidates. They are called “Entitleists.”

If Hillary Clinton is convicted of a felony, she won’t be able to own a firearm. We should all rest a little easier knowing that.

We are all getting so chubby that when you see skinny people you wonder if they are on drugs.

Ben Carson is proving that it takes more smarts to run for president than to be a brain surgeon.

I must own the laziest gun in America. It never loads itself and never aims at anyone or pulls its own trigger, as the media suggest all guns can do.

The city and Sedgwick County joined forces to participate in the Wichita Wagonmasters Downtown Chili Cookoff. Was anyone surprised when theirs was one of the first groups to run out of chili, and then had bunches of folks just standing around doing nothing?

Oh, goody – they’re going to start on I-235 and Kellogg soon. Come on, complainers – give it your best shot.

If people truly had freedom, they wouldn’t need a permission slip for every cotton-picking thing.

If we were to believe the statement of “no boots on the ground,” does that now mean that our troops will be wearing bedroom slippers?

I’m a secondhand vegetarian. Cows eat grass; I eat cows.

Nobody looks sillier than Trump with a ball cap on. Nobody looks sillier than Trump without a ball cap on.

If you are watching your favorite TV program and an insurance commercial interrupts, you change channels. “It’s what you do.”

I heard a person make a disparaging remark about my receding hairline. I demand that someone be fired.

To say that Trump is anti-immigrant is unfair. After all, two of his three wives were immigrants.

You know you are getting old when your dog has a better memory than you do.

The Koch brothers seem to like Wichita. Let’s sell it to them.

Several of the nutcase Republicans running for president can solve global warming in about 20 minutes. It’s called nuclear winter.

The trouble with this world is that the wrong people are rich.

When a carload of NRA members get stuck in traffic, they think more cars are the answer.

Listening to a progressive complain about the high cost of Obamacare is like listening to a burglar who got his leg caught in a chimney.

Maybe Obama needs to consult with the Weather Channel on how to defeat ISIS.

This story was originally published December 26, 2015 at 6:01 PM with the headline "More best of Opinion Line."