Best of Opinion Line

Here’s a sampling of standout Opinion Line comments from the year:

Politics unusual

I would have received much better grades in history in school had I only known that all the wars were caused by climate change.

Middle Eastern couple seek refuge. Woman great with child.

If the pope spoke to John Boehner and he quit, will someone please make the pope an appointment with Mitch McConnell?

The Republican branches of government are Reagan, the Bible and the Koch brothers.

Remember when Christian court clerks cited religious objections and refused to process divorce papers? Nope, me neither.

There were 38 million people registered on an infidelity website. So who exactly is ruining the sanctity of marriage?

If we had lobbyists back in the day, we’d still have milkmen and ice trucks.

Divider in chief

I like my guns like President Obama likes his voters, undocumented.

What’s next for Obama? “Dancing With the Stars”?

Israel has Netanyahu. The United States has Obama and Biden – nut and yahoo.

Can we rename the $18 trillion national debt mountain “Mount Obama”?

Who’s next?

Apparently Will Rogers never met Donald Trump.

The most dangerous 10 words in the English language: I am Donald Trump and I want the launch codes.

Heard about the new Bernie Sanders drinking game? Every time he mentions free stuff, you chug somebody else’s beer.

Maybe if the Democratic presidential candidates were told that ISIS members were Republicans, they would actually come up with a plan to attack them.

Read my lips – no new Bush.

It appears the only e-mail not stolen by Edward Snowden was Clinton’s.

State of the state

Why, when I hear Gov. Sam Brownback say, “We lead forth, pioneers in a trailblazing state,” does the Donner Party come to mind?

This session of the Kansas Legislature is like some bizarre circus with mean clowns in charge.

We need new terminology for the despicable actions of the Kansas legislators: taxation by misrepresentation.

Can we get the air bag recall to include our Kansas legislators?

Politics in Kansas: If the courts don’t rule in favor of the Legislature, we cut their funding. If the Legislature doesn’t do its job approving a budget and taxation plan, we pay it overtime.

In accordance with the way our state’s government has been working, rather than promoting the channel catfish as the state fish, maybe they ought to consider the bullhead.

We need to get Brownback off of Kansas’ combine. He’s got the header up way too high and he’s destroying all the fences.

According to the governor, if I lost 25 pounds last year but gained 50 pounds this year, I have not had a weight increase. Well, back to the doughnut shop.

Ah, Kansas – where you need a driver’s license to vote and a positive number IQ to strap a gun to your leg.

Criminals should be required to wear body cameras.

I would like to see all politicians wear body cameras all the time they are in office.

Home, sour home

I saw a TV commercial for the new Eisenhower Airport. It said the airport was built with “Midwest values.” So the airport was built with clueless politicians, underfunded schools and drivers who never use their blinkers?

Perhaps the DMV should remind Wichita drivers when they renew their licenses that the white letters on octagonal signs with a red background at most intersections are not an acronym for “spin tires on pavement.”

I have determined the purpose of the new bike lane on West Second just west of McLean that goes for only two blocks before disappearing: It’s a runway for Mary Poppins.

I actually saw someone using the worthless bicycle lanes Thursday. Sadly, it was a jogger.

Building the new Southeast High School without a football stadium: the inhumanity of it all.

On the back of a Sedgwick County EMS ambulance vehicle: “Patient focused, patient centered, patient driven.” Are the county commissioners saving more money?

I am not sure that 30-plus years of military service provides enough combat experience to work with our county commissioners.

Let’s privatize the Sedgwick County Commission.

Richard Ranzau, Sam Brownback and Ray Merrick – the three Scrooges.

Wichita could use three more car lots and at least four more mattress stores.

I always wanted to believe, but today I am certain: Big Foot (Sasquatch) is alive and running loose west of Clearwater.

I went to Cheney for a high school football game. I ate chicken fried steak in a Chinese restaurant prepared by a Hispanic chef. I love this country.

The definition of an optimist is a guy pulling a boat in western Kansas.

Fan duels

Am I the only person to notice Ron Baker plays better when his hair is long and shaggy? Let it grow, let it grow.

A third of the state thinks one game against KU is all that matters. A third of the state thinks total number of Final Fours and national championships is all that matters. And a third of the state thinks Bill Snyder’s health is all that matters.

The K-State band did something stupid, the K-State administration handled it poorly, and K-State fans immediately go on social media and blame KU for the whole mess.

Inquiring minds

Is paying attention to the road even in the top five things people do behind the wheel of a car anymore?

When I see a white crayon, I think to myself: What’s the point?

Why does a box of salt, salt being older than the Earth, need an expiration date?

How does smoke know which side of the grill you’re standing on?

Isn’t a “veggie pizza” just a cooked salad?

Life is like your W-2: You always ask yourself, “Where did it all go?”

Odds and ends

We have the best security system available on my block – a nosy neighbor, recently retired.

$3.99 for a bag of air. Comes with 15 free potato chips.

Teenage girls seem to have become nothing but skin and phones.

Pluck your eyebrows out. Draw them back on. I don’t get it.

There are only three things in life that are certain: Death. Taxes. Error No. 404.

Thirty years ago my buddy and I talked about wine, women and song. Now it is whine, “Where did the women go?” and what medications are working.

Two things you will never see: A unicorn. The Sonic boys actually taking a bite of the hot dogs.

Dogs make sense. Humans do not.

Apologies to Matt Damon – we’ve run out of room in the Opinion Line.

This story was originally published December 26, 2015 at 6:02 PM with the headline "Best of Opinion Line."