Best of Opinion Line 2017

A sampling of standout Opinion Line comments from 2017:

Driving us crazy

So many who will buy a $1,000 iPhone still haven’t discovered the turn-signal lever on their cars.

I am new to Wichita. I would like to know where the Aggressive Driving School is located. It seems that most everyone in town has attended there.

I figured out how to make the traffic lights downtown. Drive 60 mph between lights. No, drive 5 mph. Wait, no, drive 60 then 5. Forget it. It can’t be done. The lights were obviously programmed by an evil person.

Speed limit signs in Wichita are only a suggestion.

If you get behind a fast-moving elephant on Kellogg, no one has to tell you to stay a safe distance behind.

I think Wichita needs a new logo: an orange traffic cone.

Opinion Line readers need to get a grip. First they complain about the condition of Wichita’s roads, then they complain about the construction when the roads are being repaired. Let me call them a whambulance.

Getting political

The 10 Democrats in Kansas sure do post a lot on Opinion Line.

To the Opinion Line reader who thought 10 Democrats are writing in: Maybe there’s only one writing in and it’s me. Proud of it.

I wish President Trump would shut up and let himself do his job.

They say if you’re 20 and aren’t a Democrat, you have no heart, and if you’re 40 and not a Republican, you have no brain. I’m 60 and no longer have the stomach for either party.

You chicken?

The potential Tyson plant smell is nothing compared to the stench coming from Washington, D.C.

Skilled machinist jobs certainly welcome before chicken-plucking jobs. Thanks, Spirit!

No chicken farms? How about marijuana farms?

If you put the Tyson chicken processing plant adjacent to the sewer treatment plant in south Wichita, maybe the combination of odors would smell like lilac.

I’m all for the new Tyson chicken plant being located in Wichita/Sedgwick County. Now if someone would also locate a mashed potatoes and gravy plant here and a cole slaw factory, we would really have something.

What we see in D.C.

Stuart Smalley makes my skin crawl-y.

Apparently there is a drug problem in our government, and the drug seems to be Viagra.

Heaven or Hell? There are very fine people on both sides. Very fine people.

I’ve always liked to read the funnies last and start the day with a smile. Lately I read them first so I can face the “news.”

My suggestion for the new administration would be to avoid enforcing cannabis laws. The only way we are going to put up with them is if we are stoned.

Please vote for Ron Estes. He’s the bestest.

Ron Estes looks like a happy Richard Ranzau.

Isn’t it time for the UN to send peacekeepers into the White House?

Now that I have voted, I no longer have to look to see if Nancy Pelosi is hiding under my bed, waiting to eat me while I sleep.

Statehouse chatter

Brownback stated that Kansas is the envy of the world. I want what he is smoking.

When I read the letter to the editor “Culture of Corruption in Topeka” signed by Kris Kobach, my irony meter pegged.

According to Gov. Brownback, his successor really needs to pray. No need, our prayers have already been answered.

Brownback can’t even quit right.

Live and local

Open Streets ICT was such a cool and wonderful community event. Our city is headed in the right direction. Thank you, Wichita police and Park and Recreation. I am Wichita proud.

When I win the lottery, I’m buying houses in the snobbiest HOA neighborhoods and giving them to Cousin Eddie-type folks with one stipulation: They must keep an engine hanging in a rusting A-frame in the front yard at all times.

I can’t find a good Danish anywhere. What’s wrong with this city?

So the city wants to approve louder and more powerful fireworks? In the words of John McEnroe, “You can’t be serious!”

It was so cold at bingo the other night that people were wearing double pajama bottoms.

I wonder if delivery thefts would be curtailed if most of us started leaving empty boxes on our front porch.

The world of Sports

These Shocker basketball games are way too stressful. Get us back in the Valley!

I’m sitting at Lawrence-Dumont Stadium for a Wingnuts championship series game. Maybe 500 people here. A new stadium, really? Get real, city. They won’t come.

Want to stop targeting in football? Remove all the facemasks. Of course, we would have to change the name of the facemask penalty to nostril pulling.

This Thanksgiving, I noticed lots of KU fans giving thanks for basketball season.

If anyone in LaVar Ball’s family missed a putt while play golf, it would be someone else’s fault.

At Sunday morning worship, everybody took a knee for Jesus. Except me. I stood up for Jesus. I’m so confused.

Everyone’s a comedian

Men age 50 and older need to wear makeup, at least some foundation.

The Tin Man bought one of those My Pillows, now he’s getting a more rustful night of sleep.

My morals may be out of whack according to you, but I am comfortable with them. Quit judging me.

The most important thing in a drive-through restaurant is the straw.

Our dog ate some Christmas decorations off our tree. Now he has tinselitis.

My new diet is working great. I am almost down to the weight on my driver’s license.

Words to live by

There is nothing quite as refreshing as putting on a brand new pair of socks.

What has the fast-food industry done to the American hamburger? It doesn’t taste anything like it used to.

I don’t need anger management. I just need to see fewer people doing stupid stuff.

Fifty years ago my generation said not to trust anyone over 30. Unfortunately, that’s still true.

People who think bow ties are pretentious are pretentious.

Is there some explanation for why warm gooey cheese tastes so much better than the same cheese cold?

One has to wonder how many Russian bots are contributing to Opinion Line these days.

Gripe, gripe, gripe, gripe, gripe, gripe, gripe, gripe, gripe, gripe. There, now I feel better and I am done griping for a while.

Those that are knowledgeable about the subject claim that sitting for too long is unhealthy. Now they claim that they’ve discovered that standing too long is also unhealthy. That’s why I’ve decided to stay in bed.

Everyone has a story. You never know their past. Be kind to one another.

This story was originally published December 31, 2017 at 4:12 AM with the headline "Best of Opinion Line 2017."