Getting dizzy from the Russia spin

Are you nauseous from all the media spin on Russia these days? If not, you must do well at amusement parks. Foreign interference in our presidential elections is reasonably serious business, but it’s getting tougher by the minute to keep track of all the sub-scandals, and even tougher to judge them on the facts.

If surveillance footage surfaced of Vladimir Putin playing the part of Hillary Clinton during Donald Trump’s debate prep sessions – all five minutes of them – the president would probably Tweet out: “More FAKE NEWS! I couldn’t even understand the guy!” Conservative outlets would frantically cast the footage off as one big lettuce-wrapped nothingburger.

On the flip side, if surveillance footage surfaced of Trump enjoying a dish of Chak-chak or some other Russian dessert last October after his mid-afternoon steak, the liberal outlets would issue their 1,242nd call for articles of impeachment – “more smoke equals more fire,” some red-faced, left-wing sycophant would declare with all the incredulity he could muster.

Since the possibility of jail time and/or removal from office are considerations for the various parties involved, it is no surprise that they have lawyered-up heavily. The problem for the rest of us is that represented parties tend to go completely silent over time, leading to more media speculation and less data. Even though some of the represented parties – including our president – aren’t likely to go completely silent on advice of counsel, the media spin will persist, one tweet at a time.

As with all investigations that run through the Department of Justice, this one will be slow and deliberate, painstakingly thorough, and as below the radar as possible. Special counsel Robert Mueller will go where the investigation takes him, and every time a new sub-scandal erupts, a new investigation will inevitably follow. All we can do in the meantime is stomach as much of the spin as possible, sit idly by and perhaps keep ourselves entertained with thoughts like the following:

When the dust finally settles on this entire affair, perhaps Billy Joel will write the lyrics for a Russia fiasco-themed pop song that is eerily reminiscent of one of his earlier hits about starting a fire – maybe something like this:

Trump wins — Clinton whines — Podesta’s e-mails — Those were mine! — Putin hacked ’em — Flynn backed him — Next came Jim

Comey’s meeting — Briefing’s fleeting — Sessions leaves — Now Trump’s pleading — Let Flynn go — Don’t you know — He’s a great guy

Comey leaves — Memo drafted — Soon he’s canned — He’s been shafted — Leaks the notes — In he goes — Must testify

Special counsel — Lots of digging — Illegal contacts — Election rigging — Works in secret — No one knows — What he will find

Donald’s son wants Russian dirt — Self-incrimination hurts — Everyone’s — Implicated — Who’s doing time?

The Russians did not conspire, everyone’s been hacking with Assange’s backing

The Russians did not conspire, why would Putin try it and then try to hide it?

This story was originally published July 17, 2017 at 5:08 AM with the headline "Getting dizzy from the Russia spin."