‘I’m 21 and afraid. My body no longer belongs to me.’ | Commentary

When I was growing up, I was told abortion was murder. If the mother is going to die then let her. The child comes first, at least the mother had a few years on this earth. God has a plan.

Now, I’m a 21-year-old woman who left the Catholic Church years ago and I know the truth. Abortion isn’t what self-proclaimed pro-lifers tell you it is. Abortion can be scraping a miscarried fetus out of a mother’s body when her mind can’t let go of her baby.

Childbirth is scary enough. Women have to go through nine months of pregnancy only to birth a child and be expected to “bounce back” within months.

That’s only the beginning of what this country puts its citizens through, though. Once we’ve gone through that traumatic birth we have to send our children to school where they could get murdered by an assault-rifle wielding attacker with more rights than us.

For these reasons and many more, I chose long ago to never birth a child into this country.

It’s not really my choice anymore, though, is it? If I am raped and get pregnant I could now be forced to birth that child, if the pregnancy doesn’t kill me first.

I’m asexual and I’m still afraid of the country I live in. I now wake up wondering if I will hand over my life to the government one day.

In June the Supreme Court overturned Roe v Wade, taking away women’s protection of their own life. On Aug. 2, Kansas will be the first state post-Roe to vote on abortion rights.

For Kansans, the vote amounts to nothing less than a referendum on an individual’s fundamental right to reproductive health care.

Every day I pass signs telling me to “value them both.” This message is trying to tell people that you want to murder children if you don’t ban abortions.

What the signs don’t say is that many of the same people whose yards they sit on are fighting for their right to carry a gun into an elementary school.

Half of the children being born lose rights the second the doctor announces “it’s a girl.” All of them lose the right to go through childhood without being traumatized by a country valuing a 200-year-old document over their lives.

I identify as asexual. This means that I have absolutely zero sexual drive or desire to be physically intimate with someone. On top of this, I am a college student with no desire or financial ability to have a child.

Having sex with a man has never been, and never will be, something I desire. I don’t see a future where I am pregnant or even want to be.

A few years ago, I was a child who was confused about never having a crush on a boy. Now, my heart stops when a man walks a little too close to me.

A few weeks ago, even if the unthinkable happened, I could at least take a pill the next day that would save my life, even if I was traumatized for the rest of it. Now, if I’m raped I may be forced to watch as my body grows my attacker’s offspring.

I’m 21. I don’t even know where I want to live next year.

If you’re going to force me to birth the child of my attacker, you might as well take my life.

My mind and soul will have died the moment you voted to “value them both.”

This story was originally published July 14, 2022 at 5:00 AM.