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Before this 5-year-old died of ‘dirty stupid cancer,’ he ‘wrote’ his own obit

Garrett Matthias, 5, of Iowa, died from a rare pediatric cancer on July 6 after battling stage 4 Alveolar Fusion Negative Rhabdomyosarcoma for nine months.
Garrett Matthias, 5, of Iowa, died from a rare pediatric cancer on July 6 after battling stage 4 Alveolar Fusion Negative Rhabdomyosarcoma for nine months. GoFundMe for the Matthias Family

Five-year-old Garrett Matthias — also known as “The Great Garrett Underpants” — hated pants, needles and “dirty stupid cancer.”

That’s what he told his parents before he died of stage 4 Alveolar Fusion Negative Rhabdomyosarcoma, a rare form of pediatric cancer, according to the Des Moines Register.

The Van Meter, Iowa, boy started fighting cancer in September, according to a GoFundMe fundraiser for his family, but in June he learned that his cancer was terminal.

Following the news, Garrett’s parents, Emilie and Ryan Matthias, started to ask him getting-to-know-you type questions that would make up his obituary after he died, the Register reported. He died July 6.

“I’d say things like, ‘When I die, I want to turn into a star,’” Emilie Matthias told the Register. “He’d say, ‘I want to be burned like in ‘Thor,’ and then I want to become a gorilla.’”

Garrett wanted to be a gorilla for a very specific reason — to “throw poo at Daddy,” according to his obituary that was published by Hamilton’s Funeral Home.

“That’s him speaking. Those are his words verbatim,” Ryan Matthias told WHO. “When I read it, I’m just like ‘wow’. Sounds like Garrett just yapping at me.

But Garrett didn’t just want to be a gorilla.

First, he told his parents he wanted to be “burned” — or cremated — like when superhero Thor’s mom was burned in an Asgardian ceremony, according to his obituary. He said he wanted to be burned so that he could be made into a tree, which he would live in as a gorilla.

Emilie and Ryan Matthias don’t quite know how they’ll pull that off yet.

“A private burial of Garrett’s ashes will be held at a later time once his parents figure out how the hell to get his ashes made into a tree and locate a nature preserve, so his tree resides in a protected area,” the obituary says at the end of Garrett’s question and answer section.

In the meantime, his family will be holding a Celebration of Life with a Symbolic Asgardian burial ceremony and fireworks after sunset.

And Garrett doesn’t want it to be sad.

“I want 5 bouncy houses (because I’m 5), Batman, and snow cones,” he told his parents before he died.

Emilie told WHO that her family “cried oceans of tears” throughout Garrett’s fight with cancer, so she also wants his day to be special — not sad.

Garrett was “forever a prankster” who would even “haze” his new doctors, according to his obituary. And if you told him, “See ya later alligator,” you might be caught off guard with his response.

“See ya later, suckas!”

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