Despite often seeming aloof, even rude, this Garvey sister was known for her heart

If you’re one of the many Wichitans who met Emily Bonavia through the years but didn’t have a chance to get to know her, you may have walked away thinking she didn’t like you or maybe that she even was a bit rude. But friends and family said that’s not who she was.

Bonavia’s sister Ann Garvey would have to explain to person after person that Bonavia simply was reserved, maybe even shy.

“Oh, gosh, I can’t tell you how many,” Garvey said. “I meet you, and you’re my best friend. . . . She wasn’t effusive.”

Truthfully, Garvey said, “She really would rather be reading a book.”

Bonavia, 73, died April 5 after a protracted illness.

She was involved in a family real estate business and had been particularly active in the arts.

“She was such a really wonderful human and definitely deserves to be celebrated for her contributions to Wichita, although she would probably hate it,” said Lela Meadow-Conner, the former Tallgrass Film Association executive director.

Meadow-Conner said the association, including its annual festival, “wouldn’t have grown into what it became without her support . . . and steadfastness.”

She said Bonavia had a belief in the importance of movies — as with other art forms — and that they “can truly be transformative for people.”

Bonavia not only financially supported numerous Wichita nonprofits, she volunteered for them, too.

As one of the Wichita Symphony Ambassadors, she would usher thousands of children from school buses in to see performances. That’s because she believed all children should have access to the arts, said her friend Lisa Vayda.

“You have to be pretty enthusiastic and also a pretty sturdy person to do this,” Vayda said.

Though Bonavia did it with a smile, Vayda said, “She would get matter of fact. ‘Let’s get this done.’

“If you wanted to get something done . . . Emily was the person to do it.”

The fourth of Jean and Willard Garvey’s six children, Bonavia had “always been acknowledged as the enigma,” Ann Garvey said.

Garvey would warn people not to confuse Bonavia, who was short and especially slender, with being a pushover.

“She could be fierce.”

Once, she rescued Garvey’s son and his cousin when they were caught in an undertow in Mexico.

“Emily jumped in and grabbed them both, and she’s probably smaller than the both of them.”

Bonavia also was a contrarian who would not be told how to think or be.

While she was wearing a fur in San Francisco, an animal-rights protester asked Bonavia if she knew how many animals had died to make her coat.

“Emily turned to her and snarled, ‘Lots and lots,’ ” Garvey said.

Mary Wright, whose family owns the Old Mill Tasty Shop, called Bonavia “such a little character, but when you got to know her, she was so lovable.”

“Just like all of that family, she did her part for the Wichita public, but the time to really get to know her was one on one.”

When they were still in high school and college, Bonavia and her sisters traveled the United States in a Volkswagen camper and “really were so ill-equipped to do stuff like this, but we did it anyway,” Garvey said.

They’d pick up hitchhikers, occasionally sleep under the stars and struggle with some basics, such as lighting a gas stove and almost blowing up themselves.

There were “so many things in our lives that we barely survived,” Garvey said.

Each of the Garvey children took over aspects of their parents’ business and philanthropic work.

Bonavia left Wichita for a time to oversee the family’s 3-million-acre cattle ranch out west.

“We always were just aghast that our delicate, cultured, sensitive little sister was living on this wild and remote area of northern Nevada,” Garvey said.

Bonavia had three sons, the youngest of whom died from Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

Bonavia seemed to turn even more inward after that, said longtime friend Betty Krehbiel.

“Getting her out was hard.”

She would donate to places such as the Wichita Art Museum, but Krehbiel said “it was like pulling teeth to get her to go to an event at the art museum. She didn’t want any recognition for the things that she did.”

Bonavia eventually returned to Wichita, and she and her son Nick bought the Garvey Center through their Bonavia Properties, which is what the former Holiday Inn — the largest of the four buildings at the downtown complex — now says.

The purchase also included Corner 365 Apartments at First and Waco, and they owned other properties in Wichita, the Kansas City area and out west.

At some point after returning home, Bonavia started going to the old Neighbors restaurant in Twin Lakes every week with a small, tight group of friends, one of whom was JT Tapler.

“She felt free amongst us,” he said.

That included showing off her not-necessarily-so-good dancing.

Without moving her arms, he said, “She would just jump up and down — just straight up and down.”

If Tapler had an event at his house with any people other than that small group, he said Bonavia “would drive up in front of the house,” notice all the cars, “and she would drive away.”

He understood because he knew how she was when he first encountered her.

“She didn’t even say a word to me,” Tapler said. “Hello?”

It took years, but Bonavia finally became comfortable around him.

“If you could break the shield that Emily had, she was a friend forever,” he said.

“She had a warm heart if she allowed you into there. . . . She’s in our hearts forever.”

There will be a celebration of life for Bonavia at 2 p.m. May 2 at the Cozine Life Events Center.