After 68 years together, he died 10 days after her

Sometimes in death, love persists.

For Betty and Calvin Friesen, the story is all about the love.

Nearly three decades ago, the couple was featured in a Wichita Eagle “Love Story” when they celebrated their 40th anniversary.

“Love is more than an emotion,” Calvin said then. “It’s understanding and accepting each other as we are.”

Last month as Betty Friesen lay dying at Wesley Medical Center, her husband, Calvin, lay in an adjoining bed and held her hand. For more than an hour, they lay next to each other one last time.

She died July 17.

Ten days later, he joined her.

“While I can't verify it for sure, the 10 days they were apart after she died were probably the longest they had ever been away from each other,” their son Joel Friesen said on Sunday.

A memorial service for both will be held at 11 a.m. Saturday at the First Mennonite Brethren Church in Wichita.

Calvin Friesen was born Nov. 4, 1924 in Inola, Okla. Betty Suderman was born Jan. 20, 1929 in Hillsboro.

He served in the U.S. Army during World War II; after he was discharged, he moved to Hillsboro to attend Tabor College. In 1948, the two met while they both attended Tabor and sang in the same choir.

“She was the cute little soprano in the first row, and I needed a date,” Calvin told the Eagle on Feb. 6, 1988.

Their first date was bowling night. It fell on Friday the 13th. And they immediately enjoyed being around each other. Soon they were doing everything together — shopping together, going on walks together.

They married Oct. 7, 1948, in Marion County’s Ebenfeld Mennonite Brethren Church. He drove his 1926 Ford Model T to Lake of the Ozarks for their honeymoon.

As they began to raise their own family, Calvin taught history and social studies for 37 years.

She worked in the school lunch program and substituted as a teacher’s aide.

He loved to do woodworking; she loved gardening, sewing and giving piano lessons.

One of the toughest things the couple endured was the death of their 19-day-old daughter, Sherry Beth, in 1957.

“We prayed an awful lot,” Calvin told the paper.

Another happened in 1988, when he had heart surgery.

Betty told The Eagle then: “I thought about losing him but I wasn’t ready to give him up, yet.”

This July, they had been married for 68 years.

And in July, she had surgery to correct some digestive issues but never seemed to fully recover, Joel Friesen said. “At that age, any surgery is potentially serious.”

Calvin, 92, faithfully went to see his 88-year-old wife each day in the intensive care unit in the hospital.

“But then, his own health began failing. He was sharp and able to understand everything, but then, he wasn’t feeling well and we had to take him to the hospital, as well,” Joel Friesen said.

As Betty’s health began to worsen, Calvin lay in a bed on a different floor and a different building from her.

He missed her.

“We were trying to figure out what was causing his pain and issues,” Joel Friesen said. “We wanted to figure out some way for him to see her. He was not mobile.”

One of the nurses suggested wheeling Calvin’s bed into Betty’s ICU area.

“They put their beds together so he could hold her hand,” Joel said as his voice broke. “You never know … You want to think certain things … But it seemed like he knew it was her and she knew it was him. So for about an hour, they held hands.

“And at the end of that hour, Dad prayed … It was clear she didn’t have a path to recovery and that’s when we moved her to comfort care. The plan was that she would be moved and then they would share a room, together. But before that could happen, she passed. So Dad wasn’t with her when she died.”

The family gathered around Calvin to tell him the news.

“It was really hard on everybody,” Joel Friesen said. “And then, over the next few days his condition wasn’t improving. Like Mom, things were beginning to fail.… All he wanted to do was have the Lord take him so they could be together, again.”

Calvin was moved to Harry Hynes Memorial Hospice.

On the day Calvin died, Joel Friesen had turned a radio in his father’s room to a Christian radio station.

The station was playing hymns and the notes from one called “Going Home” filled the room.

“It came on and I kind of glanced over at him and his breathing became more shallow,” Joel Friesen said. “And it literally was at the end of that song, he took his last breath.”

The husband and wife have been buried side by side in the Ebenfeld Mennonite Church cemetery where they bought plots decades ago.

They are survived by sons, Larry, Rick and Joel Friesen, their wives Judy, Madelyn and Beverly; eight grandchildren; and 11 great-grandchildren.

Memorial contributions may be made to the MB Foundation or Tabor College in care of Jost Funeral Home, P.O. Box 266 Hillsboro, KS. 67063.

This story was originally published August 6, 2017 at 4:27 PM with the headline "After 68 years together, he died 10 days after her."