Before fully jumping into 2015, here’s a recap of some of 2014’s most fun “You don’t say” quotes.
"I don't know what kind of masochists you are, coming to hear a presentation on presentations."
– Todd Ramsey of Apples & Arrows, speaking on "The Practical Principles of Potent PowerPoint Presentations" at the Chamber's Sunrise Scrambler
"I guess I'll just die."
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– What Old Town resident Charlie Claycomb, trying to cancel his home phone service, told a Cox Communications representative who asked what would happen if he didn't have a land line during an emergency
"My father would have loved the video, and my mother would have believed it."
– Cessna Aircraft chairman emeritus Russ Meyer on a video tribute to him at the Wichita Aero Club gala, where he was the honoree
"It's not the happy thing you're thinking of."
– City planner Jess McNeely, referring to "vacation," which is the elimination of restrictions on property
"Good thing these guys aren't in the amputation business."
– Sedgwick County Manager Bill Buchanan in a Facebook post about his dentist's office, which called after a Thursday root canal to say, "We did the wrong tooth."
"I guess this does not bode well for my administration."
– Public relations consultant Doug Oliver's comment on the closing of Brandon Steven’s car wash, where Oliver was mayor on Foursquare
"I think the good news is that Jack is somebody with a good sense of humor."
– The Wichita Independent Business Association's Tim Witsman, who says the group was not trying to make a comment on Jack DeBoer's abilities as its annual meeting speaker by calling him Jack DeBore on invitations
"They were concerned about getting down our driveway because they didn't want to scratch their buns."
– Jerry Kerr of College Hill Bed & Breakfast, where the drivers of the visiting 8-foot-wide Oscar Mayer Wienermobile are staying
"I keep waiting for Sam Brownback to send me business cards with the state seal on it."
– Restaurateur and caterer Ben Arnold, who says he feels more like he's in the tax business, though he's resolved his latest issue over $7,000 in contested taxes at AVI Seabar & Chophouse
"Wade looked at his options, then asked: A or B, B or C? Which one is closer? Tell me when they're next to each other."
– A tweet from Mike Rishell, a longtime patient of retiring optometrist Wade Dulin
"If I had a dollar for every time someone said, 'Don't run with those.' "
– The Chamber’s Janelle Bogart on the oversized scissors she brings to ribbon cuttings
"I have officially endorsed this place and hope to have my own table like a mafia Don."
– Joel Lomurno, Wichita Thunder general manager and Philadelphia and New Jersey native, in a Facebook post on the new T.O.P.S. Steaks and Hoagies on East 21st Street
"Requests for free samples are not uncommonplace."
– Esau Freeman, on gathering signatures for a petition to decriminalize marijuana in Wichita
"The ducks needed good representation, and I was there to help."
– Attorney Harvey Sorensen, who helped with the Eastborough duckling rescue, which happened in the gutter in front of his house
"But that's like 14 in restaurant years!"
– Doo-Dah Diner owner Patrick Shibley on the restaurant's second anniversary
"The only time I saw my dad cry was when I told him I was going to beauty school."
– Salon and hair academy owner Eric Fisher, as quoted in a tweet from the Chamber about his talk at its Sunrise Scrambler
"No. They're little squares of aluminum now."
– Spirit AeroSystems CEO Larry Lawson when asked at Rotary on Monday whether the 737 fuselages involved in a July train derailment would ever fly
"It was like 'The Walking Dead' but with turkeys."
– Greg Ewing of Mid Continent Controls on 22 turkeys that descended on the company's building in the Derby Industrial Park and tapped on its mirrorlike windows
"I would knock a small child down for a Butterfinger."
– Cocoa Dolce Artisan Chocolates owner Beth Tully, who admits to liking candy bars perhaps a little more than a master chocolatier should
"I'd like to start the evening by quelling a rumor. Bobby Lane at Chester's came up to me and said with this sorrowful look in his eye, 'I'm so sorry to hear that you're being indicted.' "
– Aviation photographer Paul Bowen's joking remark at his induction into the Kansas Aviation Hall of Fame on Tuesday
"They're just doing that now?"
– Former University of Oklahoma Heisman Trophy winner and barbecue restaurant owner Billy Sims, speaking at the Wendy's High School Heisman lunch at Abode Venue, jokingly answering a question about whether college athletes should be paid
"It was like being in a Mad Max movie. It was apocalyptic."
– WSU's John Tomblin on converting the shuttered Kansas Coliseum, which was dark and rat- and cat-infested with rain falling through its roof, into an aircraft testing facility
"Actually, I do a little dance, to be honest."
– Steve Austin, owner of All Angles Collision Repair, on how he feels when it snows or hails
"Is this going to be like Oprah, where we all get a car?"
– Former Chamber chair Sheryl Wohlford who introduced and thanked Davis-Moore's Tara Clary for sponsoring Wednesday's Sunrise Scrambler
"Yes. If you sign several pieces of paper for me back at the dealership."
– Clary's response
"I thought that they were some sort of martial arts group."
– Sedgwick County Commission chairman Dave Unruh, who says he wondered why the Foo Fighters were going to be such a big act for Intrust Bank Arena
"We're always looking for new programming for our eight channels, but this wasn't exactly what we had in mind."
– KCTU-TV owner Ron Nutt, who found 45 X-rated DVDs in a box labeled "free porn" under the Little Free Library box at the station on East Douglas
"No, what's he thundering about?"
– Former Mayor Bob Knight when asked if he told The Eagle about filing to run for the office again to steal Sam Williams' thunder on his mayoral announcement