‘Big, gorgeous grandpafest’ known as ‘The Golden Bachelorette’ tells all, but so what?

Not sure about you, but if someone says they’re going to share some scoop, I shut my mouth and lean in a little closer.

I live by the motto, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me.”

However, in “The Men Tell All” episode of “The Golden Bachelorette” Wednesday night, I found myself chit-chatting over whoever was droning on and, at one point, shutting my eyes to catch some sleep thanks to my election hangover.

I think I remember yelling at about minute 45 that there were an unbelievable, and possibly unbearable, 45 more to go.

My unofficial Bachelor franchise adviser, dining writer Denise Neil, assured me most tell-all nights are catty and fun to watch.

But where are a bunch of 20-somethings ready to be ugly over a girl when you need them?

Like everything else on this “big, gorgeous grandpafest” of a season, as Denise once put it, this show was full of nothing but nostalgic guys who enjoyed sharing a mansion together.

On this one show alone, they collectively cried more over tender moments than every man I’ve ever known put together has cried in front of me. (And, to be clear, this crybaby is not making fun of anyone else’s tears. Just noting them.)

No one even complained about Wichitan Chock Chapple hogging all of Bachelorette Joan Vassos’ time, which seemed to be particularly acute in at least one episode.

“I think what they’re showing us is many men in their 50s and 60s need some male companionship,” Denise noted.

That makes for some wonderful camaraderie and, frankly, some terrible television.

OK, not terrible. It’s sweet, but it’s not what I would voluntarily tune in for if I weren’t getting paid.

Chock and the other finalist, Guy, were the only bachelors who didn’t appear on this episode except in a few flashbacks and a few looks ahead to next week’s finale.

Denise started spitballing headlines for next week’s finale when Chock surely is going to win.

“Rock Chock!” Denise suggested.

Or, “If the Chock is a rockin’, don’t bother knockin’.”

Even if Chock is the winner, he’s got one man left to contend with, apparently.

We finally caught up on a recent episode of “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” that featured Joan explaining how she was an extra on “St. Elmo’s Fire.” She was shown riding a bike — her real-life bike — and got an extra $25 for it.

“Oh? I guess stunt work, right?” Kimmel said.

Joan then confessed to having a major crush on Rob Lowe, one of the stars of the movie, since then.

“Will you trade in whoever you selected on the ‘Golden Bachelor’ (sic) for Rob Lowe?” Kimmel asked.

“Like, in one second,” Joan said, barely letting him finish his question.

“Well, wouldn’t that be a great ending?” Kimmel said. “Talk about the first time in ‘Golden Bachelorette’ history . . . if your new beau comes out, he walks out, Rob Lowe swoops in, kicks him right outta there, the two of you go right to the Fantasy Suite. Lights out.”

Now that would be some good TV.