Learn the art of conflict resolution in personal and professional life

One of the most difficult challenges that we face in our personal and professional lives involves conflict resolution.

Conflict resolution involves more creativity, more flexibility and more resilience than any other form of communication. However, it is a form of communication in which every person who ventures into a personal relationship or any profession must, at some time or another, participate.

Conflict resolution involves a delicate form of communication. It involves at least two people who may have differing opinions on how to achieve a goal, or to achieve their own needs.

Conflict resolution is not something that one person does to another person, but rather something that is done with another person.

The following will give you ideas on how to constructively engage in the resolution of conflict through interpersonal communication. None of these are terribly difficult, but sometimes they do require us to use the greatest amount of poise, charm and patience that we can muster.

Here are some suggestions:

▪ Shoot for a suitable resolution. Or rather, the goal should be to reach a positive solution. Compromise and a willingness to give a little is the key.

▪ Communicate clearly and openly. Do not expect those with whom you are communicating to “read your mind.”

▪ If an argument seems imminent, never – never – take a cheap shot no matter how easy it would be at the moment. No hitting below the belt, and absolutely no ridiculing. Don’t say anything for which you must later apologize.

▪ Don’t make a big deal about a trivial issue. If you do, you need to ask yourself, “What am I really after?”

▪ At some point, everyone fights dirty, or may say things that they may later regret. The best advice is to forgive, forget and get over it.

▪ Have you ever won an argument? Be honest. Have you ever won an argument? We may have thought we won, but it is generally that the other person has simply given up.

▪ In other words, the only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. In the meantime, try your best to make the other person feel important, or needed, but do it sincerely.

▪ What could emerge as a misunderstanding is never concluded successfully with an argument, but rather with tact, diplomacy and a sincere desire to see the other person’s point of view.

▪ If another person seems to be intent on “rubbing you the wrong way,” and your first instinct is to retaliate verbally, always distrust your first instinctive reaction to the situation. Pause, listen and think first. Don’t say something that you will later regret.

So what can you do to become a better problem solver?

Remember, as I have learned the hard way, people like good listeners better than good talkers. Therefore, one of the best ways to resolve difficulties is to be a good listener.

When people are speaking loudly, it is best for us to simply listen quietly.

When resolving a conflict, how do you admit that you may be wrong?

Rather than holding rigidly to a specific point in a discussion, it is important to remember that we will never get into trouble by admitting that we may need to seek further evidence, or that we may actually be wrong. Admitting that we may be wrong can quickly resolve an otherwise deteriorating situation with a positive outcome.

Remember, in many instances, it is not the fear of being right or wrong that creates confrontations, but rather the threat to the other person’s self-esteem. It is natural for us to want to be right, and it takes a high level of maturity to admit that we may be wrong.

It is important to remember that hurting someone’s dignity does nothing to resolve issues or solve problems. And, dignity is essential to self-esteem.

No matter how close we are to those with whom we work and play, we cannot be expected to be in agreement on all issues all the time. We can:

▪ Develop the capacity to recognize and respond to things that matter to the other person.

▪ Develop calm, non-defensive and respectful reactions to conflict.

▪ Develop a readiness to forgive and forget, and to move past the conflict without holding resentment and anger.

It also is important to know when to let an argument or conflict go. If we can’t come to an agreement, then we can simply agree to disagree.

Remember, it takes two people to keep an argument going. If a conflict is going nowhere, it is appropriate to disengage and move on. We can still shake hands. And, we can still love and appreciate the other person, even though we don’t agree.

This story was originally published December 23, 2015 at 4:01 PM with the headline "Learn the art of conflict resolution in personal and professional life."