Our nonverbal messages may be saying much more than our words

Nonverbal communication can be more powerful, even more influential, than what we say with words. It can have a tremendous impact on our success in our personal and professional lives.

Experts in interpersonal communication have estimated that nonverbal communication constitutes approximately 80 percent of what is involved in communication: 35 percent vocal (tone of voice) and 45 percent facial expression and posture (body mannerisms).

That leaves the impact of the words we use at only about 20 percent.

Nonverbal communication takes a number of forms, from how we walk into a room where an interview is to take place, how we sit when communicating, the gestures we use and, very importantly, our eye movements.

The following are a few suggestions on how nonverbal communication can impact positively or negatively on our ability to interact with our clients and our colleagues.

▪ What we call “the two-minute rule” is a very important part of nonverbal communication.

For example, when we enter a boardroom to interview for a new position, those in attendance will determine their appraisal of us within the first two minutes of our entering their space. And that initial appraisal is difficult to erase.

Remember, we tend to reflect what we are feeling, and that feeling reflects onto others. If we are feeling frustrated or angry, that will reflect onto those who are listening to us. If we feel happy to be there, the others will tend to pick up on that happiness and feel happy in return.

So sometimes we need to make a mental adjustment, an attitude change, before we enter the room where we are to communicate with others.

▪ It is important to maintain an appropriate distance when we are communicating with others – not too close but yet not too far. Three feet is just about right.

Remember, being too close can be bothersome to someone with whom we are communicating. On the other hand, if we are too far away, the listener may feel disenfranchised, and we lose ground in our effort to communicate.

▪ Our posture can reveal to others what we do not intend to reveal. For example, while listening, leaning too far forward, shoulders hunched, elbows on the table and our face cradled in our hands indicates that we have already decided against what is being said. Or we’ve stopped listening.

Leaning too far back in our chair with our hand covering our mouth may indicate hostility toward the speaker’s ideas or questioning their logic. Or we are withholding our remarks by covering our mouth.

▪ Our arms, hands, legs and feet reveal a great deal about how we are feeling as another person speaks to us. For example, arms folded across the chest, especially while standing, can indicate resistance.

While sitting, playing with fingers and nails can indicate that we are not really listening. We are simply giving ourselves something to do.

Legs crossing and uncrossing or heels or toes tapping are all negative clues, perhaps that we are nervous or that we are ready to leave.

Most importantly, never look at your watch no matter how much you are tempted. It is a definite signal that we have stopped communicating.

▪ Our eye movements are important giveaways to what is going on in our mind. For example, lack of eye contact or frequent glances to one side or the other indicate serious disagreement or disinterest. Our eyes give us away.

I tell my audiences that the best area of the face to focus on while speaking to another person is their nose. By concentrating on the nose – looking into the person’s eyes is too intimate – it appears that we are concentrating only on that person.

This story was originally published October 22, 2015 at 1:25 PM with the headline "Our nonverbal messages may be saying much more than our words."