Being right is not always effective communication
Being both right and effective is amazing … and rare. Having to choose between them is more typical.
It has been said that you can win the battle and lose the war. If your battle has to do with being right, you are probably burning more bridges than you know.
Effective communication is not a competition. When differences and disagreements come along, if you find yourself seeking to prove a point or get the last word in, you have most likely given in to the temptation to feel justified by being “right.”
Sure, you may be correct. You might have the facts straight. You might even be able to prove it. That’s not the point.
If nobody is listening and if you’ve alienated people because you have to win every conversation, you are ineffective, no matter how right you may be.
It takes considerable courage to stop, step back, reflect on how you are approaching a situation and re-assess your goals.
People who choose to be effective use several strategies to gain unity and commitment around goals. When you feel the urge to prove that you are right, try any of the following:
▪ Listen more than you talk: The more you know about another person’s perspective, the more effective you can be in helping find solutions that they can embrace. When people feel heard, they will be more open to your ideas.
▪ Let go and move on: Winning or being right doesn’t define you. You are OK whether others approve or not. You don’t need to win to be OK.
▪ Seek common ground: Seeking to be right leads to tunnel-vision because the focus is on what’s wrong with another person’s perspective. Instead, invest your energy in finding out what you have in common.
▪ It’s my truth, not the truth: Each of us filters life experiences through our belief systems, past experiences and agendas. We see what we want to see. Everyone has a truth that is real to them.
When you have to chose, you can’t go wrong by choosing to be effective.
Nate Regier, PhD, is a founding owner of Next Element Consulting, a global leadership development and communication training firm headquartered in Newton. He is co-author of “Beyond Drama: Transcending Energy Vampires.” Contact Nate at nate@next-element.com or 316-772-6174. Visit www.next-element.com.
Interested in writing for “Business Perspectives”? Contact Tom Shine at tshine@wichitaeagle.com or 316-268-6268.
This story was originally published October 7, 2015 at 3:06 PM with the headline "Being right is not always effective communication."