Business Perspectives: Trade in the ‘Golden Rule’ for a platinum version

Last year, Discover Card launched a TV ad campaign to promote its customer service. The basic storyline goes like this: A person calls Discover about a concern. Answering the call was his or her “clone” – the same person dressed as a Discover service person and playing the role. Feeling so great about how responsive and in-tune the service person was, the caller forgets what he or she was even concerned about in the first place.

Discover’s tagline – “We treat you as you’d treat you” – emphasizes what we call the “Platinum Rule,” doing unto others as they would have you do unto them.

The Platinum Rule is a big departure from that other rule we’ve been taught. The “Golden Rule” means treating others as I’d want to be treated. It relies heavily on my understanding of my own needs, preferences and desires as a basis for reaching out to others. If you’ve ever said to someone, “How would you feel if this happened to you?” you’ve used the Golden Rule to try to encourage empathy in another person.

The Golden Rule, however, can lead to several unintended consequences.

First, it leads to projection – projecting my frame of reference onto another person and assuming that they tick like I tick. I then treat them as if they were me. If they don’t respond as I would respond, it’s easy to become disappointed or make negative assumptions about their motives.

Second, the Golden Rule is actually quite self-centered. It reinforces me focusing on my needs, my preferences, my motivations and then expecting others to have these same needs, preferences and motivations. This attitude doesn’t take into account the other person, especially the fact that he or she might need very different things than you need.

Transcending the Golden Rule and implementing the Platinum Rule requires an openness to learning about other people’s frames of reference and preferred styles of communication. It also requires respecting them and caring enough about them to do something about it.

Take the time and make the effort to find out how others want to be treated. Treat them this way, even if it’s not how you want to be treated. Watch what happens when you practice the Platinum Rule.

This story was originally published October 8, 2014 at 4:32 PM with the headline "Business Perspectives: Trade in the ‘Golden Rule’ for a platinum version."