To really hear, open your mind and your ears

We’ve all known a grandparent, uncle or spouse who’s hard of hearing. They speak too loud, miss half of what’s going on, zone out when they can’t keep up, and ask you to repeat yourself. It’s frustrating for both of you.

Losing your hearing is no joke. It adds a level of difficulty to life that we wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Many people’s ears work just fine, but they have a different form of deafness. It has all the same symptoms of real hearing loss, but it’s due to a lack of openness. These people seem to always be focused on their own agendas, rarely ask questions about what matters to you, and don’t really listen because they are focusing on what they are going to say next.

Openness has many facets, one of them being receptivity to the feelings, needs and wants of another person. It’s more than empathy. It involves taking an active interest in what someone else is experiencing, putting our own goals and agendas on pause long enough to truly learn about what’s going on with another person.

Openness is a critical leadership competency. It builds rapport, fosters emotionally safe environments, supports healthy risk-taking, and helps us know what’s going on around us.

People who feel they are being heard are willing to give more. And, when we learn about what others want and need, we are able to give more.

Lack of openness has many causes: getting overly task- or mission-focused, lack of respect for personality differences, upbringing and role-models, and being too focused on “winning” conversations or proving a point.

Luckily, lack of openness is a curable condition. Here are a few strategies to improve your hearing:

▪ Stop, ask people how they are doing, and listen. Say back to the person what you thought they said, and ask them if they are satisfied that you understand them. If not, keep listening and keep trying until you get it right.

▪ Make space in your work schedule to spend time with the people you rely on most. See what they talk about when it’s not all about business.

▪ Stop what you are doing and listen to your own body. What is it telling you? Is it tired? Stressed? Anxious? Excited?

The body speaks its mind. If you listen carefully, it could tell you something important.

Improving openness is a terrific way to develop your hearing.

This story was originally published May 13, 2015 at 9:21 AM with the headline "To really hear, open your mind and your ears."