Are you living between the parentheses?

I can’t … (until I give you some background, make sure you aren’t going to take offense to anything I might say, and explain to you why I am qualified to write about this) … get to the main point of this article.

Last year I built a new deck at my house. I’m a very task-oriented person, and I love to get stuff done. I finish what I start.

It was 6:30 on a Sunday evening. I wanted to squeeze in a couple of hours of work on the deck before dark, telling myself, “I can’t stop until I get the railings put up.”

Several times my 11-year-old daughter, Asha, poked her head out the back door and said, “Daddy, when will you be done? Will you read with me before bed?” Each time I responded abruptly, “I’ve got to get these railings put up. If there’s time time left, we can read.”

Each time, she would disappear back into the house.

Then I felt a tap on my shoulder and looked up. Out of nowhere, she was standing right next to me outside on the deck, straddling the unfinished trusses. In the sweetest, most eager, and almost desperate voice she asked, “Daddy, can I help you?”

I was bent over in an awkward position, one of my hands holding a deck railing, another hand trying to reach the cordless drill. I needed a third hand to reach for a screw. I was out of hands and in a pickle.

So I said what any busy, well-intentioned, delusional and self-absorbed father would say: “Can’t you see I am busy? I am trying to get this deck done so we can spend time together.”

Even before the last word had slipped off my tongue, it all came crashing down on me. I was so deep into my own parenthetical moment that I completely lost sight of what was important.

How much time and energy do you spend between parentheses in your life, putting off the main point of your life until the conditions are just right?

Life inside the parentheses is like a prison, locked-up by stories we tell ourselves about what it means to be worthwhile, successful, good enough or likable. These stories keep us hijacked and unable to get to the main point of our lives.

What’s inside your parentheses? Maybe it’s one of these:

▪ I can’t relax until I get one more project completed.

▪ I can’t say what I really feel until I am sure nobody will reject me.

▪ I won’t trust you until you prove yourself.

▪ I can’t go camping with my kids until I make one more sale.

What’s it costing you? I know from personal experience that when I live life inside the parentheses, I spend a lot of time worrying, second-guessing myself and other people, and trying to be a mind-reader. I lose focus on my purpose, my end goal, and the main point of my life. I’m 47 years old with a wonderful family and a growing company. I don’t have the time or energy for parentheses.

If it wasn’t for the grace and perseverance of my daughter, I might still be out there working on the deck alone, putting off spending time with my family until the conditions were just right to spend time with my family. Thankfully, I got out. I let her help me put the screw in, put my tools away, and went inside to read a few more chapters of “Tuck Everlasting.”

Thank you, Asha, for saving me from my parentheses.

This story was originally published April 1, 2015 at 9:12 AM with the headline "Are you living between the parentheses?."