Mastering the art of poise under pressure

I received a phone call recently from a young woman who wanted to ask me about the process of communication.

She said that she has a difficult time maintaining her composure during staff meetings.

She said that when something she has said in a staff meeting is challenged by a colleague, she tries very hard to remain calm and respond in a professional manner. However, she sometimes “loses it” during the discussion, raises her voice, and at the same time sometimes uses words that she is embarrassed about later.

She said that it distresses her that during staff meetings some of her colleagues are somehow able to goad her into becoming so stressed that she loses her poise and falls apart in front of everyone.

I shared with her something that Sherrie Campbell, a clinical psychologist and expert on mastering poise, has said: “Whenever you are in any working group, or a position of responsibility, one way to remain composed is to remember that you always have an audience. Your team members and other colleagues are your audience, and they expect a certain level of calm, serenity, integrity and grit from you.”

We can literally be an example of calm and poise. One way is to think of yourself as being an example of what your colleagues would like to become when faced with stress.

Here are a few other suggestions that I shared with her:

▪ Let others know how you feel, but perhaps not too vividly.

▪ In a meeting, never – never – take a cheap shot, no matter how good it might make you feel at the moment. You will regret it later.

▪ In meetings or in other interpersonal interactions with others, don’t make a big deal out of a trivial issue. If you do, ask yourself, “Why?”

▪ If someone treats you in an unkind manner, practice forgiving, forgetting and getting over it.

▪ And, if you see an argument on the horizon, become a good listener instead. Let the other person carry on while you listen quietly.

Remember: You can never win an argument. The best way to win an argument is to avoid it.

Don’t participate in it no matter how sure you are that your opinion is correct, or when you see that golden opportunity to “jump in.”

And, remember: You will never get into trouble by admitting that you may be wrong.

Even though we sometimes don’t want to admit it, there’s nothing wrong with looking beyond our ego and admitting, “You know, in thinking about it, I believe that you are absolutely correct.”

That simple response will stop a potential argument or an embarrassing situation and make everyone feel better, including you.

This story was originally published May 3, 2017 at 3:05 PM with the headline "Mastering the art of poise under pressure."