New iPhone, new problems. Anyone know how to get to the home screen?

Well, I finally did it. I got a new iPhone. After friends and family told me over and over that I needed a new phone, I caved in and bought one. I have to admit the old one needed to be replaced. I have to admit it didn’t function properly — probably due its brief swim in the toilet.

I name things, so I call my new phone “Pearl.” I bought a white one because I thought I’d be able to find it easier in my large handbag with dark interior. Wrong.

This sparkling new iPhone 13 is so far not my friend. It doesn’t have a home button. I’m used to that button that seemed to solve everything.

The guy at the store who sold it to me quickly said, “It doesn’t have a button.” At the time, I didn’t think it mattered because I’m trainable and there weren’t that many phones in stock. I was there, and I wasn’t leaving without a new phone. And just so you know, there was no training offered.

When my husband asked how I liked it, I had to admit that I didn’t know because I hadn’t figured out how to turn it on and get to the home page with all those little squares offering choices of many, many things. What the heck is “Garage Band?”

Anyway, I went online for some tutoring, and it helped. Sort of. It’s that swiping thing I’m having trouble with. Pushing a button is much easier. Maybe I should have invested in one of those phones made especially for the elderly. The one with big buttons.

The young man who sold me the iPhone assumed a great deal. He assumed I was good with technology. He couldn’t have been more wrong if he tried.

When I asked him if he would transfer my contacts to the new phone, he looked at me as if I had asked him to wash my car. But he did it.

I for sure wouldn’t try anything on my new phone in front of him because, and I’m not proud to admit this, I can’t text with my thumbs. I use my pointing finger on my right hand.

But finally, I’m getting better, and I’m trying to remember to delete things after I see them. My last phone had 10,346 emails on it. Honestly, it did. The new one has no emails because adding email to its hundreds of functions is still a mystery to me.

By now, those of you who are techies are rolling your eyes and wondering why someone as dumb as I am is allowed to drive a car. Well, some of us didn’t know how to use a mouse before we learned to walk. We didn’t have a computer in school or a phone in the fifth grade.

I saw a toddler in Best Buy trying to swipe a TV screen that wasn’t even turned on. She had the swipe down pat but was obviously puzzled that nothing happened.

But fear not, I’m getting the hang of it. And the Apple folks are tickled to death that I have a new phone. They keep emailing me tips and suggestions on how to use my new iPhone 13. Of course I have to read their tips on my computer.

I’ll save those valuable tips for after I finally learn the proper technique of swiping, discover how to get rid of apps and take the best photos possible.

And who knows? I might even learn exactly what and where the heck the “cloud” is.

This story was originally published March 9, 2022 at 5:01 AM.