Bonnie Bing

Did you spot any clothing malfunctions at the Olympics?

Competitors round the turn in the women’s 1500m during the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.
Competitors round the turn in the women’s 1500m during the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Tribune

Watching the Olympics is sort of addictive. Nothing like kicking back with chips and a bowl of salsa while watching people who have zero percent body fat.

Every event I watch I pictured how I’d do in that sport. I’ve decided to go with the event where the horses jump over the fences. No, not because I can ride a horse, obviously I know nothing, but because it’s one of the only sports where participants wear clothes. It appears that when it comes to “uniforms,” skin is in.

Women’s beach volleyball was the one that made me wonder if there was going to be a serious clothing malfunction at any moment. I don’t know about you, but if I’m going to dive onto sand chasing a volleyball I want more coverage. Their visors had more fabric than their uniform. Think about it. Just sunbathing on a beach results in sand where you don’t want it.

Wondering if I was the only one noticing the skimpy stuff being worn, I mentioned it to several people. “Yes I noticed! That could end up with microdermabrasion treatment all over their body,” Felichia DeSpain said about the brief volleyball uniforms. She happens to be in the beauty and grooming business.

And who knew men could buy micro Speedos? Male divers go for the briefest of briefs.

When I mentioned to my husband that the female runners were wearing what looked like swimsuit bottoms, he said, “I don’t know, but I assume they concluded the less they have on the less friction.” What? “They would want what they wear to function as aerodynamically as possible.”

Well, friction-wise it makes sense.

If I ran as fast as they do in shorts, with my thighs there would be enough friction to start a fire. But if they’re concerned about wind resistance, what about all that hair? Waist-length hair isn’t aerodynamic. It didn’t, however, seem to slow anyone down.

I can remember when female Olympians didn’t wear makeup and if they did it was very little. Now some wear a lot. Bright eye shadow, shimmering foundation and plenty of mascara wasn’t worn by just gymnasts. With the camera in their faces, no wonder they want to look their best. Headbands, tattoos and jewelry expressed the athlete’s individual tastes.

Gymnastics leotards had more bling than ever, but so did swimwear in the synchronized swimming. By the way, for those who thought synchronized swimming should not be in the Olympics, I hope they watched the competition.

These women are amazing athletes who have to have the skills of dancers, swimmers and gymnasts, and they have to look pretty, smile, and hold their breath through their routines.

I am always sad when the summer Olympics are over because it won’t be back for four years. It’s fun to see which athletes return, which ones retire, and see the new, young competitors.

One thing for sure, if some of the uniforms get skimpier, “aerodynamic” will take on a whole new meaning.

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