Disappointment can be painful, but don’t let it get you down
Don’t you just hate to be disappointed? Most people do. Actually I can’t think of anyone who says “Oh, I kind of like to be disappointed.”
It is interesting, however, the differences in how people handle disappointment. Personally, I’m not great at it. If I’m disappointed because something I was looking forward to is canceled, anger is my first reaction.
If COVID has shown us anything, it’s disappointment. The list is long for nearly everyone and the disappointments ranged from no prom to a loved one not making it home after being in the hospital.
Psychologists say as an emotion disappointment is a form of sadness. Yes, it is indeed the space between what we expected and reality. And it can be painful.
A therapist once told me some people set themselves up for disappointment by determining exactly what they think they have to have to be happy and fulfilled.
A person I once knew was constantly disappointed. Her favorite saying was, “I hate my life because I’m always disappointed.”
When she went on vacation it was never as she imagined. I laughed when she said, “I know I’m going to be disappointed in the hotel. They never look like the pictures.” She hadn’t even left home. I wanted to ask her if she was going to be disappointed if she wasn’t disappointed.
My friend Nancy Schwan thinks that having expectations that are too high is the problem. She says if you’re disappointed, lower your expectations, take a positive approach, then get on with it.
A few years ago one of our granddaughters said she was disappointed in herself because she had set a goal to save a certain amount of money by the time school started and she hadn’t reached her goal. I asked her how much she would have saved had she not even tried to reach the goal. She laughed and said “not much.” So even though she was short of her goal, she was still ahead. That brought a smile. And she learned something.
Maybe disappointment is good for us. Granted you could not have convinced me of that in 2020 when we had to cancel a trip to Italy. Even with a big disappointment, regardless of the reason, you know you’re alive with feelings and passion. I’d rather be disappointed than have a bad case of apathy.
Growing up if I whined to my mom about being disappointed about something she would say, “Well, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” As a teenager that little saying didn’t do much for me, but now I understand.
People I talked to agree with me that as we age we seem to deal with disappointment better. After the initial foot stomping and pout mouth, I eventually see disappointment as a good opportunity for learning something. If nothing else I learn to just get over it, sister, and move on.
When a person is disappointed in themselves they certainly should evaluate and learn something. Speaking from experience here.
Also as you get older your priorities are different and we don’t sweat the small stuff so much. Bad haircut? It will grow out. Canceled picnic due to weather? We need the rain. It’s the old saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
We hope for few lemons, but it’s important to take a look at handling disappointment.
My very insightful high school friend, Julie Strnad, who lives in California, said she handles big disappointments by giving herself time.
“ I give myself some time to mourn, to be sad. I think I internalize the disappointment and am quiet and don’t talk about it for a period of time. I’m giving myself some time to accept that I’m not going to get what I wanted before I’m able to talk about it with someone I trust,” she said.
Thinking it over is so much better than getting angry, placing blame or being negative.
Next time I get disappointed I’m going to pay more attention to how I feel, what I think and how I handle it.
I hope I’ll take my granny’s advice: Make the best of it and get on down the road grinnin’.