Avoid fall frenzy and save your sanity

For many families, the beginning of fall means an overbooked calendar of homework, extracurricular activities, fundraisers and holiday planning.

If your kids dread going to one more after-school activity and you’re doing laundry in the middle of the night, your family probably needs to scale back on commitments, said a local psychologist.

“There are so many things that kids can be involved in that sometimes parents don’t realize that every single night they’re ferrying kids to an activity,” said Molly Allen of River Park Psychology. “If you can’t remember the last time you had a meal together or if you’re eating out of bags and boxes in the car, that’s a problem.”

At least twice a week, Bridgette West and her fiance, Nathan Williams, make sure their calendars are free for family dinners with Williams’ three daughters, ages 8, 10 and 13, who are involved in music lessons, tae kwon do, art classes, YMCA activities and a church youth group.

“It takes some planning, but it’s important,” said West, who takes classes at Friends University and has a public relations job at The Workroom, while Williams is owner of Baseline Creative, a marketing agency. She said they deliberately linger over the scheduled meals, using that time to talk about things happening at school and in the girls’ lives, the couple’s upcoming wedding plans and more.

For West and Williams, synchronized iPhone calendars and a printed monthly calendar for the girls are critical planning tools, along with consistent communication about the family’s schedules and responsibilities.

“I’m not a Pinterest mom and make the nice bulletin board display of activities,” West said. “I don’t have the time to make a beautiful calendar. It just needs to be simple and easy.”

Families should keep their roster of activities simple and easy, too, Allen said. Many families gradually add more and more activities – thinking they’ve got an extra block of time here and there or because they’ve told themselves they’re good at multitasking – until they’re overwhelmed, she said.

To keep from getting overwhelmed, Allen, who has counseled many frenzied families over the past two decades, and West suggest the following tips:

▪ Learn to say no. “ ‘No’ is not a dirty word,” Allen said. “It’s not like you’ve gotten an edict from God” when someone asks you to volunteer at school or a community event. You have to be realistic about what you can accomplish, West said. She and Williams carefully make decisions together about what they and the girls can take on.

▪ Your child doesn’t have to do everything. Stick to things they really enjoy, Allen recommended. She has dealt with parents who have felt guilty about missed opportunities of their own youth so they push their children into certain activities. “Allow the kids to dabble, and if they don’t like something, even if they have the talent, don’t make them do it,” Allen said. Teach kids about time management and the benefits of a balanced schedule.

▪ Value your time. “Treat your time like it’s currency, and don’t waste it,” Allen said. If something you are involved in isn’t fulfilling or you resent it, don’t spend your time doing it. “It’s not healthy,” she said.

▪ Simplify the holidays. With Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Hanukkah coming up in quick succession, learn to keep things simple. It’s OK for the kids not to have a handcrafted costume or to have purchased treats for school parties and family events, Allen said. Having a blended family means learning to make compromises and sticking to alternating holidays, West said.

▪ Find creative solutions. West and Williams like to stay connected and socialize with friends. Rather than going out, they tend to invite friends to their home and create more family-friendly social get-togethers.

▪ Allow for some down time and family activities. If your kids are grumpy and exhausted, it probably means they need a break from their activities, Allen said. As in the West and Williams household, make time for a regularly scheduled family meal. When doing a family activity, don’t allow family members to be distracted by electronic devices, Allen advised. “Don’t be splintered during your activities,” she said, but rather make the most of those experiences.

This story was originally published September 14, 2014 at 7:00 AM with the headline "Avoid fall frenzy and save your sanity."