What Makes Friendships Last-and Fade? A Relationship Expert Explains

In a recent survey in Newsweek’s The Good Life, we asked readers which relationship feels the hardest to navigate right now, and nearly 1 in 3 said friendships.

Recent data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that about 1 in 3 U.S. adults report feeling lonely.

“Social isolation and loneliness are widespread problems in the U.S., posing a serious threat to our mental and physical health,” the report begins.

Why is this happening and why do so many adults feel disconnected despite having friends, busy schedules and hundreds of social media connections?

In a recent interview, psychiatrist and relationship expert Dr. Laura Dabney said the problem isn’t how many friends people have-it’s how connected they feel to them.

“People kind of count the number of friends they have and assume the less friends they have, the more lonely they are,” Dr. Dabney said. "But what I've found… it’s the closeness of the relationships. If they’re lacking the closeness, the depth, the intimacy, then that’s what causes loneliness.”

She said many people notice friendships shifting around age 30, when careers, relationships, children and aging parents begin competing for time and attention. As friendships become less spontaneous, maintaining them requires more intention-but that doesn’t mean they’re failing.

“Connection involves intentionality,” she said. “A lot of people make the mistake of waiting for the relationship to get close before they reach out, but really reaching out is the start of closeness. It’s not the amount of time you spend with somebody, it’s the closeness and the ability to reconnect, the reliably reconnecting that makes the difference."

We received several reader questions on this topic, including one about friendship burnout. Dr. Dabney says burnout often stems from unspoken frustrations and emotions people are afraid to express.

Meaningful friendships, she argued, can tolerate distance, mistakes, change and growth-but only when people are willing to talk openly about what they’re feeling.

When it comes to knowing whether a friendship is worth saving, she advises paying attention to how someone responds when you try to have an honest conversation.

“If you’ve done that a couple times, you’ve put in the effort, and it’s not been any significant change to move closer, and that’s probably a sign it’s time to move on."

You can watch the full conversation with Dr. Dabney, above.

Laura Dabney, M.D., is the author of I Need You… Now Go Away!: Reclaiming Your Life When Someone You Love Has a Personality Disorder and the founder of Relationship RX.

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This story was originally published June 18, 2026 at 3:09 PM.