The wacko stuff you can’t miss at the Kansas State Fair
Don’t ever say the Kansas State Fair is boring.
Even if you’re not excited by pigs and cows and quilts, longtime fairgoers know that the schedule is also filled with all kinds of quirky, unusual and sometimes just plain weird attractions.
If you’re someone who enjoys the more head-scratching aspects of the fair, here’s a guide to the very strange things you must see while you’re there.
▪ The Butter Sculpture: People love the butter sculpture, which is one of the main draws every year at not only the Kansas State Fair but also at many state fairs across the country. The allure is not only the artistry of the thing, but also the randomness of the medium. Who decided to sculpt butter in the first place? A bit of trivia: In Kansas, the 1,000 pounds of butter the sculptor shapes is reused from year to year until it gets too stinky. Dillons refrigerates it in a warehouse in Hutchinson in between fairs.
▪ The Pig Races: The only thing stranger than watching pigs race is the fact that the whole affair is so stinking cute, you find yourself laughing at all the announcer’s moan-inducing pig puns. The pigs, including Sylvester Sta-loin and Jean Claude Van Ham, race on their stubby little legs five times a day, enticed to sprint with the promise of an Oreo cookie, aka “Pig Newton,” at the finish line. See them daily at 10 a.m., noon, 2:30 p.m., 4 p.m. and 6 p.m.
▪ Oscar the Robot: He’s a hunk of retro tin who hasn’t looked futuristic since 1975. But Oscar the Robot, a rolling entertainer who chats it up with fair crowds every year, is still a cherished weird wonder. Children absolutely cannot figure out how he speaks to them. But parents watching closely can figure it out, and Oscar’s “handler” can sometimes even get him to say your kids’ names.
▪ The Comic Hypnotist: For the most part, the fair seems filled with pretty common sensical Kansans. Yet year after year, comic hypnotist Ron Diamond persuades dozens of them that they’re under his hypnotic spell, and he gets them to fall off their chairs, perform idiotic jigs and and walk around like zombies. Are they acting? There are far too many of them to believe they’ve all been coached. Are they just playing along? No one ever breaks character. Are they all actually hypnotized? If so, that’s just plain weird. Diamond’s show is several times a day at the Bretz & Young Arena.
▪ Noxious weed display: It’s always in the same place, right beside the butter sculpture in the Pride of Kansas building. It’s mounted onto a rotating stand so its glory can be fully examined from all sides. It appears to glorify its much-maligned tenants: the musk thistle, ragweed, bindweed and quackgrass that populate the list of Kansas Noxious Weeds. Each has been lovingly potted in a decorative planter so that for just one week, they can be treated like regular lawn citizens. It’s also a great place to have your picture taken.
▪ Beard and Mustache competition: Beards and mustaches are among the most celebrated of human body hairs in 2016, so much so that the fair introduced a contest last year looking for the best ones. The event is back this year and is expected to draw contestants in a long list of categories, from freestyle mustaches to partial beards to beards that are 12 inches or longer. There’s even a category for lady’s fake facial hair but sadly none for lady’s real facial hair. The competition is at 1 p.m. Saturday, Sept. 10, at the Nex-Tech Wireless Stage at Lake Talbott.
▪ Spam cooking contest: Spam is not the most stylish protein in modern cooking, but the pressed lunch meat gets its day every year at the Kansas State Fair. It’s the star of a cooking contest, which will be judged in the Domestic Arts Building at 3 p.m. on Sunday, Sept, 11, and asks contestants to made any sweet and savory themed recipe with at least one 12-ounce can of Spam and up to 10 other ingredients.
▪ Give a chicken a bath demonstrations: This is by far one of the strangest yet most delightful events at the Kansas State Fair. Farmer Bob Briggs shows crowd members how exactly he gets his chickens so sparkling clean before they show at the fair. Spoiler alert: It involves hairdryers. He’ll offer a demonstration at 10:30 a.m. daily at the Poultry building.
This story was originally published September 8, 2016 at 2:28 PM with the headline "The wacko stuff you can’t miss at the Kansas State Fair."