Halloween costume isn’t a cloak for bad manners, experts say

For some people, the scariest thing about Halloween is the shocking bad manners among trick-or-treaters.

They help themselves to the candy bowl. They question the worthiness of their treats. They skip the “trick or treat” and the “thank you” – and the sidewalk – in their rush to the next house.

But an outer demon should not elbow out an inner angel on All Hallows’ Eve, experts say.

“I would go back to the very basics, because I think nowadays with Halloween in general, you may think if you’re covered up in a costume, maybe monsters and goblins don’t need to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ But the courtesies of ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ do apply,” said Caroline Rowley, founder of the Kansas School of Protocol and Etiquette.

Parents should talk to their children before heading out so that they are safe and respectful, said Elizabeth Brunscheen-Cartagena, a Sedgwick County extension agent in family life.

“We have to follow the Halloween codes: If the light is off, you move on. You ring the bell once, and that’s enough. You say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ and ‘Happy Halloween.’ And to respect the property: just walk on the sidewalk and on the driveway instead of stepping on the lawn.”

Parents and other treat-givers also need to know their role, the experts say. They should know they are in control and give out the candy, not allow children to grab their own treats, Rowley said. Not only is it more orderly and less greedy that way, but germs get into the candy with all the hands reaching in, Brunscheen-Cartagena said.

But if children do grab, treat-givers should give some leeway and understanding, Rowley said.

“This isn't about greed or getting as much candy as you can, it's being out with your costume on, and you’re outside when the weather is usually beautiful,” Rowley said. “And kids feel a certain amount of freedom with their parents when they get to go up to the house by themselves. That's a big deal for a 5- or 6-year-old.”

The rules help safeguard the fun that is supposed to happen, the experts say.

Eastminster Presbyterian Church has a non-scary trunk-or-treat in its parking lot at 1958 N. Webb Road on Halloween night, and it is designed to encourage good behavior alongside fun, said Mary Stephens, director of children's ministries for the church.

“There have been kids that will say, ‘I want more,’ or ‘Can I have that one instead?’ and we try to be gracious with them,” Stephens said, erring on the side of generosity but also pointing out to children that getting only one piece means there’s enough candy for everyone.

Some of the trunks also have games attached that slow the children down. “They’re having to learn to be patient and wait. We try to distract them; it’s not all about the candy. It’s about having fun and connecting.”

The trunk-or-treat, from 4 to 6 p.m. and open to the public, is meant for children through fifth grade, with the older kids often transitioning to being the ones to serve. But sometimes the teens still trunk-or-treat. “We just want to respond with grace and be gracious and generous,” Stephens said.

Rowley figures that 12 or 13 is a good age for kids to switch roles. “Be the one who helps the parents decorate, or dress in black and dart out from behind trees.”

That darting out from behind trees is not to terrify but to add to the general spooky atmosphere of Halloween night, Rowley said. It is an unusual evening: Children enjoy the security of being with their parents and the rest of the family while getting a little spooked at the same time.

There also are limits to being scary, Rowley said.

“You’re not going after anybody,” Rowley said. “When it gets really busy, people want to be scared with their family in a safe environment, and things are supposed to be scary. It only makes you squeal. It’s a scary night out.

“Teens should be able to feel comfortable not to wear the bloody, gory stuff, but they should be comfortable darting out from behind trees or just standing still in the yard and moving, or not moving ... That’s absolutely what teens should be doing. I think you could say that is the safest and most appropriate place to be, because there’s so many crowds out driving on Halloween. Yelling and screaming from the car — not cool. Be in your yard with the neighbors, together with a group of friends, not in the car.”

People who are driving need to be extra vigilant, Brunscheen-Cartagena said.

“The potential of accidents of cars hitting kids on Halloween increases four times. Halloween is unusual. It’s one time a year, and it can seem to children like they’re in a park, and they start running, not thinking the road is for cars.”

Parents also should be sure that their little ghouls have reflectors on their costumes. You can find necklaces and other reflective items in Halloween aisles of stores, she said.

And “don’t drop kids in an area,” Brunscheen-Cartagena said. “We need to supervise those kids.”

She has some other tips:

▪ Give the kids a snack before heading out so they don’t eat candy along the way. If they do, be sure trash goes into bags.

▪ Be sure older kids are mindful of the little ones, giving them room. Sometimes little ones don’t see well. Putting face paint instead of masks on them helps.

This story was originally published October 30, 2015 at 3:01 PM with the headline "Halloween costume isn’t a cloak for bad manners, experts say."