We’ll call this movie list the ‘romance gone wrong list.’ Way wrong.

I hate romantic comedies.

Well, most romantic comedies. Most are trite, formulaic, cutesy and eye-rollingly cliched.

Guess it’s no wonder that I’m pathologically single, huh? But, alas, I am not alone. Well, wait, I guess I am. But not.

Anyway, in that spirit, with Valentine’s Day and its gooey lovefest approaching, here are 10 movies that should make you feel pretty darn good about being single, as love can be downright maniacal (apparently).

We’ll call this the “romance gone wrong list.” Way wrong.

“Fatal Attraction” (1987) — Bunny stew for that Valentine’s dinner, anyone? Michael Douglas’ cheating married man is no match for Glenn Close’s scorned “other woman.” But she seems so innocent, right? “Well, what am I supposed to do?,” she says, ever so harmlessly. “You won’t answer my calls, you change your number. I mean, I’m not gonna be ignored, Dan!” Ya, she’s definitely happily-ever-after material.

“Gone Girl” (2014) — OK, there’s high maintenance women (and to be fair, men). But then there’s high, high, high, HIGH MAINTENANCE. We at first feel repulsed by Ben Affleck as a possibly murderous husband when his wife goes missing, but then we totally feel sorry for him when we get the insider view of just how HIGH MAINTENANCE she truly is. Sorry, bro.

“Blue Valentine” (2010) — This is a showcase of truly fine, robust, all-in acting from Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams (who earned an Oscar nomination), but, man, is this a dour, grim look at a marriage that just simply falls apart viciously. “I’m so out of love with you,” Williams’ character Cindy says. “I’ve got nothing left for you, nothing, nothing. Nothing, there is nothing here for you.” So there’s still a chance, maybe?

“Marriage Story” (2019) — Not to repeat myself, but this is a showcase of truly fine, robust, all-in acting, this time from Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson (who both earned Oscar nominations), but, man, is this a dour, grim look at a marriage that just simply falls apart viciously. “Everyday I wake up and I hope you’re dead,” Driver’s character Charlie says. “Dead, like, If I could guarantee Henry would be OK, I’d hope you get an illness and then get hit by a car and die.” Soooo, we’re not good?

“The Break-Up” (2006) — For being such pretty people, Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn have never been uglier as a couple whose nasty break up is fueled when neither is willing to move out of their shared luxury condo. As Aniston’s character Brooke says, “I just don’t know how we got here. Our entire relationship, I have gone above and beyond for you, for us.” Uh, the only “beyond” I like is “Star Trek: Beyond.”

“The War of the Roses” (1989) — Also from the shared housing gone-wrong department, Michael Douglas stars with Kathleen Turner in this dark (very dark) comedy directed by Danny DeVito about a couple who go to extreme lengths to get each other to leave their house in a cruel divorce battle. War it is, indeed. Yikes.

“Kramer vs. Kramer” (1979) — Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep won their first Oscars as a divorced couple who get into a brutal custody battle over their young son (Justin Henry, still the youngest Oscar competitive nominee, then age 8). It’s a funny but heartbreaking tale. Kind of like my last date. Just kidding! Like I’ve ever been on a date!

“My Bloody Valentine” (1981) — A decades-old folk tale surrounding a deranged murderer killing those who celebrate Valentine’s Day turns out to be true. Looks like someone never got a Valentine’s card in grade school, did they?

“Get Out” (2017) — Jordan Peele won an Oscar for this screenplay, a brilliant tale of a young African-American who visits his white girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Um, yeah, so your loved one turns out to belong to a family of deranged serial killer racists (oh, sorry, spoiler alert!). Just feel the warm fuzzies!

“Her” (2013) — Joaquin Phoenix stars in Spike Jonze’s Oscar-winning tale as a socially awkward man who finds solace in chatting with a virtual Artificial Intelligence, only to fall in love then be dumped by it. You mean, Alexa could turn on me at any moment?! How will I order my socks online?

This story was originally published February 12, 2021 at 5:01 AM.