How to be a better listener - and a better friend
Adults are saying kids aren’t going to be able to talk to each other because they are constantly texting instead of talking. By the way it appears many adults are falling into that same dark, non-verbal hole.
While thinking about this, it dawned on me people who don’t talk also lose their ability to listen. To really hear someone when they are talking, you have to give them your attention.
It drives me crazy when people on TV interrupt each other. Are they afraid they won’t get their allotted time on camera? As a viewer it makes what any one of them is saying impossible to hear. Everybody loses. On the political scene (holy moly) people don’t want to hear an opposing point of view so they interrupt and talk louder than the other person.
After chatting with a friend about all this I came across an article in The Wall Street Journal by Masada Siegel. She agrees with me, asking, “Is listening a lost art?” She talked to a hostage negotiator for the story. Whoa, talk about someone who would have to know how to listen.
Our conversations aren’t usually a matter of life or death, but it is necessary to give a person time to tell their story, to vent, to ask questions or answer questions. If we listen carefully, we’re not thinking of what we’re going to say next.
I overheard two women in the check out line at Walgreen’s talking. No, I wasn’t eavesdropping; I was practicing my listening skills.
The woman behind me said that her mother had passed away recently and she was having a difficult time getting on with her life. She lives alone and her mom had been her best friend.
She was still talking when the other woman launched into details about her own mother’s death 10 years ago. She said, “After such a long illness it was a relief when she died. You’ll get used to it.”
Wait, now what? She wasn’t listening or observing the amount of heartbreak the woman in front of her was suffering. She was interested only in telling her own story.
The grieving woman just wanted to talk, maybe even get a little assurance that it will be better someday. Something other than, “You’ll get used to it.”
My friend, Angie, decided when she went to one of her high school reunions that she would be a listener, not a talker. She said she had a blast. She didn’t say anything about herself unless she was asked. She asked all about what others were doing, about their families and she really listened to their answers. Bet she was one of the few in the room doing that.
Even though I don’t text constantly, in this New Year I’m going try to be a better listener. No doubt it will result in learning more about and better understanding those who are doing the talking.