David Letterman comes out of retirement to knock Donald Trump

David Letterman left his poolside retirement and senior center shuffle board games to make an appearance in San Antonio, Texas, with Steve Martin and Martin Short last week.

“I have no regrets. None. I was happy, I was content,” Letterman said at the Majestic Theatre, “and then a couple days ago Donald Trump said he was running for president. I have made the biggest mistake of my life, ladies and gentleman.”

So in true Letterman fashion, he created one more Top Ten list.

The Top 10 interesting facts about Donald Trump

10. That thing on his head was the gopher in “Caddy Shack.”

9. During sex Donald Trump calls out his own name.

8. He looks like the guy on the life boat with the women and children.

7. He wants to build a wall ... how about building a wall around that thing on his head.

6. Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for some delusional ... oh wait, that’s me.

5. Donald Trump weighs 240 pounds .... 250 with cologne.

4. Trump would like all Americans to know that thing on his head is free range.

3 (tie) The President, instead of pardoning a turkey, plans to evict a family. / That’s not a hairdo it’s a wind advisory.

2. He has pissed off so many Mexicans he is starring in a movie titled, “No Amigos.” (Martin and Short, his stage companions, starred in the family friend cult classic, “Three Amigos.”)

1. Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an ass.

This story was originally published July 13, 2015 at 9:02 AM with the headline "David Letterman comes out of retirement to knock Donald Trump."