Vacation nightmares: Readers share trips that didn’t quite go according to plan

“The Griswolds have nothing on the Guernseys!” exclaims Debbie Guernsey of Wichita in recalling memorable vacation mishaps in her family’s history: going to the wrong space-shuttle launch pad on a second 1,300-mile attempt to see the craft go up, confusing an airport clerk who wanted to know their last name when they were visiting an island of the same name off the coast of France, arriving at the wrong Chicago airport to pick up their son for Christmas before they all came down with the flu – Mom limping into the emergency room to be sure they would let her in to use the bathroom.

When we asked readers to relate stories of their vacations gone wrong ahead of the release Wednesday of the latest “National Lampoon Vacation” movie involving the Griswolds – this one titled simply “Vacation” – we heard about wrong turns, missed flights, ill-timed illness, faulty figuring, and, in an avalanche of accidents that can only leave you giddy, it all goes wrong.

As Roxann Orr of Wichita writes: “In the end it as they say: We just thought we were having fun; we had no ideas we were making memories.”

Home for the holidays

Our five-day vacation to Portland, Ore., turned into a round of beers in an airport bar and a quiet ride home.

Turn back the clock to Thanksgiving vacation when we decided to go to Portland for Christmas vacation, and tickets were purchased for us to leave on Christmas Day.

Fast-forward to Christmas Day. Bleary with exhaustion, we cleaned up the cookie crumbs left behind by Santa, did last-minute packing, took our dog to the sitter and drove from Medicine Lodge to Wichita.

We arrived at the airport around 2 p.m. for our 4 p.m. flight. Dad took the online tickets to the United desk and typed in our confirmation code. Wouldn’t work. Tried the e-ticket number. Nope. Finally, we asked the guy at the desk for help, and he checked his computer. Completely straight-faced, he tells us we’d missed our flight. Slight indignation from Dad: “We can’t have missed our flight – we’re two hours early.” “No, sir, you don’t understand. You missed your flight by a month.” Sure enough, right there on the online ticket, which one holder of a masters’ degree in education ordered and another proofread, it said in bold letters “Departure Date: November 25. Return Date: December 30.” Oops!

The best part, which proves that God has a sense of humor, was the song playing on the radio once we dragged our bags back to our car: “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” And indeed we were!

Dustin Keltner, Medicine Lodge

Different cities, same clothes

My husband, Chris, and I were married Aug. 11, 1985. Our honeymoon was a 15-day bus tour through Europe. When we arrived in London our luggage was still at the New Jersey airport, but the airline would deliver it to us on the tour.

The bus tour moved fast, and the luggage kept missing us. Also, since the bus tour moved fast, we did not get a chance to shop for clothes! So we washed and hung our underwear at night, and often wore it wet the next day. We missed fancy evening events because we did not have proper attire, and we froze in the Swiss Alps wearing clothing fit for a hot August day in Kansas.

We were finally assured that our luggage would be waiting for us in Paris, but the French hotel would not accept it because we were not yet checked in. We had a free day to shop in Paris, but it was a national holiday.

The other tourists on the bus were very supportive: “It’s your honeymoon! You don’t need any clothes!”

Pictures of the first week of our honeymoon show that as the cities changed, our clothes stayed the same. Finally, on the eighth day, our luggage caught up with us in Italy.

Next month we are celebrating 30 years of marriage by going to Cancun. We understand that not much clothing is needed!

Terri Falo, Wichita

A pox on this trip

Every year when I was growing up my family loaded the car and traveled to Table Rock Lake. One year stands out as the one in which we should have stayed home.

That year, the boat broke down, the septic tank backed up into our cabin, and someone stole all of my mother’s swimsuits from inside the cabin while we were at dinner. Later that week, while we were at Silver Dollar City celebrating my 9th birthday, my mother discovered I had contracted chicken pox, and it was bad – thousands of bumps everywhere!

After getting the boat fixed, buying new swimsuits and exposing everyone to the pox, we still had to make it home. Two flat tires on the trailer! Most trailers you have one spare tire, hardly ever two. We ended up leaving the boat in a farmer’s field for the night, making it back to Wichita, and going to pick up the boat (and several of our belongings) the next day.

We still all joke about this vacation, and I want to start the tradition with my family.

Kelli Rappard, Wichita

The universal language

My husband and I took our honeymoon cruise on a Celebrity ship. We were having a great time until we hit Zihuatanejo. We took a bus to Ixtapa, then rented a motor scooter. We hadn’t been on it five minutes when a local motorcycle cop stopped us. Signs were in Spanish; evidently we had turned the wrong way. The policeman did not speak English and just said, “Jail,” so I opened my wallet and showed him all the money I had – $50 – and gave it all to him. He said, “Go! Go!” so we skedaddled right back to the ship – did not pass Go, or collect $200 – just straight back to the ship!

Cherie Wenderott Shields, Wichita

Can we fly next time?

In 1974 you pre-booked hotels by sending in a deposit, and you had to go by the hotels to get your deposit back, thus requiring that you stay on the route originally planned. We started out from Shreveport, La., heading for the Grand Canyon and a visit with Arizona relatives.

We had issues with our tires and had to stop and buy two new ones. We progressed on to the Grand Canyon where our transmission went out, and we had to be towed in a single-seat wrecker to Flagstaff. We did not have a credit card with enough of a limit, so we had to have money wired – on a Sunday – for repairs, which took three days.

We continued on to the Grand Canyon, where at the ripe age of 17, I asked if we could just drive the car over the edge when the air conditioning quit working. We continued along the original route as much as we could to get deposits back, and while in Phoenix, they had one of those flash floods, and we almost got washed off the road. We then headed back to Louisiana with no air conditioning in July heat. I swore I would never go on any more vacations unless we could fly, and I had never even flown.

Leann Smith, Wichita

Going, going ... gone

My husband and I drove 1,300 miles to Florida to see the next-to-last space-shuttle launch. After several days of delays, the flight was postponed, so we drove the 1,300 miles home. When the launch was rescheduled, we drove to Florida again, 1,300 miles, to catch it. We had tickets on the buses taking us out to the causeway. As we exited the bus we noticed most people going to the left, but we saw a lot of open area to the right, so we rushed over there to get set up right at the waterway facing the launch pads (note the plural “pads”). Unfortunately a number of people made the mistake of following us. We all got our cameras and tripods set up, anticipating the countdown. It got held up at 10 seconds and almost postponed. But then the final count started – 9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1 LAUNCH – but we see nothing in our camera lenses. We look up and see the shuttle sailing through the sky above us. We were focused on the WRONG launch pad. Oh well, it was still exciting and a great trip. Another Guernsey Family Adventure.

Debbie Guernsey, Wichita

I think we forgot something

We were on our eighth annual Table Rock/Shell Knob Lake trip with a group of our friends, and it was the first year with children (so add three babies to group of 12 to 14 adults). Day 1: We are packed and heading out on the pontoon and lightning shoots across the sky, so we head back to the dock and declare it picnic time. We pull all the lunch items out and realize we forgot the lunch meat.

Day 2: We get out on the boat for a while then decide to set up for lunch. The first thought is meat – yes, everyone made sure it was packed today. Bread? Um … not so much.

It rained most of the remainder of the trip, so we stayed inside and played games (annual tournaments of Nertz, Taboo and Catch Phrase). On the way home, we realized my husband forgot to pick up his driver’s license at the marina when we rented the boat. We called the marina, where they were not surprised that we had forgotten yet another thing.

Over the years (this will be our 21st for a group trip) we have become outnumbered by kids and could write a book of stories (boat troubles, trailer tires gone flat, run-ins with buoys, golf cart mishaps, tubing incidents, fox and black-cat encounters) thanks to the guest book that my in-laws keep at their cabin that has become a journal. But in the end, it as they say: We just thought we were having fun; we had no ideas we were making memories.

Roxann Orr, Wichita

Motorhome adventure

Seven people decided to go to Colorado and rented a motorhome. The first night we had mechanical problems, so my son-in-law left us in a campground and took it to a mechanic. The next day we went to Cave of the Winds. When we came out there was water everywhere. The water gauge had broken, so back to the mechanic.

We had a few good days. We decided to go to the Royal Gorge, where the windshield wipers stopped working. We got to the top. My son-in-law took the grille off to work on the wipers. We found out the park was charging more to get in because some band was playing. So my daughter and I started telling people in line about it, and the park rangers told us we had to leave. In our hurry, we left the grille behind, not realizing it until we were at the bottom. So we had to go back up. On the way back down, there was a wreck, and the rescue people used the motorhome to treat the injured, and there was blood everywhere. So we decided to just go home – and then the motorhome died. After a stay in a roach-infested motel, we rented a big van – and left the motorhome in Colorado.

Maxine McAllister, Wichita

Who’s steering?

Our family set out one July with camping gear for Tahlequah, Okla., and headed out to canoe the Illinois River. Neither my husband nor I had experience in a canoe, but he was confident we could do it. (He did pack all we wanted to keep dry in Ziploc bags though.) So we got in the canoe, me in front, my husband in back, and our two girls in the middle. As soon as the person who helped us load let go of the canoe, we headed straight for the other side of the river. My husband didn’t know how to change directions. Then we were heading for a large branch hanging over the river. I grabbed it to try to slow us down. The canoe tipped, and things fell into the water. I was thankfully able to stand up even though the water was a bit swift and started grabbing things trying to float away while my husband grabbed the canoe and our older daughter (8). At the same time, we looked up and saw our 5-year-old hanging onto the branch like a monkey. Laughing, we got back into the canoe and finished the trip, arguing all the way about who was the one steering it. My argument was settled when a couple passed us, and she was sitting on a pillow looking at the man in back paddling, her hand dragging in the water.

Twielene Augustus, Wichita

Vacation from hell

In 1968 my husband and I decided to take our 2 1/2-year-old daughter and visit his sister and her family in Hobart, Ind., in a 1964 Ford Falcon station wagon. We also planned to stop in St. Louis to see the sights on the way.

We arrived in St. Louis at 5 o’clock rush. We had crossed the Mississippi River five times trying to find our way when we decided to forget St. Louis and go on.

The day after arriving in Hobart the car wouldn’t start. The voltage regulator had stuck and overheated the battery. It even melted the battery caps.

A couple of days later we drove into Chicago on a Sunday afternoon and were in one of the seedier areas of town when the modulator valve on the car malfunctioned and began pumping transmission fluid through the motor. We put up quite a smokescreen. Surprisingly, we did find the car part a few blocks away.

Our daughter, Tobey, came down with a fever and a sore throat. We had to find a doctor. The doctor gave her liquid medicine which she couldn’t swallow without vomiting. So we started giving it to her with 7 Up. There was soda left in the can, which I finished each time. I got a mouth infection and couldn’t eat by the time we got home.

We had been home a couple of hours when my husband decided to take a load of trash to the city dump. He took our year-old bassett hound, Barney, along. Barney must have seen something he wanted to chase and bailed out of the truck. He broke a back leg.

Needless to say this was the vacation from hell. In 42 years of marriage, we always talked about that trip even though we took many more to other places. None of them even came close to this one.

Aline Thompson, El Dorado

This story was originally published July 23, 2015 at 8:37 PM with the headline "Vacation nightmares: Readers share trips that didn’t quite go according to plan."