Sports

There's always work to be done

It appears that NFL owners and players are digging their heels deeper into the dirt, preparing for a labor battle that could last months. I'm still holding out hope that they will come to a resolution before August.

If a lockout occurs, players are going to find themselves with lots of time on their hands. Sure, they need to stay in shape so they can be ready to play football when an agreement is reached. But until then, they'll need to find something to keep them busy.

I assume that most players and owners have made enough money during their careers to last through an extended work stoppage, although we know some tend to spend their money faster than they can make it.

Here are a few ideas for side jobs in case players are looking for a few extra bucks or just trying to stay out of trouble:

* Greyhound bus driver: Carson Palmer is already looking for the quickest route out of Cincinnati. I'm sure he'd be happy to leave on the first bus out of town and stay in the first NFL city he comes to.

* Talk show host: Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson are obvious choices for this one. They like talking about themselves even more than they like catching footballs. But I'm going to mix it up here. I'd rather watch Aaron Rodgers. That guy rarely says much, but when he does it's usually pretty interesting.

* Dog catcher: Michael Vick is still trying to rehabilitate his image after a prison stint for dog fighting. Leavenworth didn't seem to hurt his speed, so he should be able to run down every stray dog in Philadelphia.

* "Family Feud" host: Peyton Manning has a dry sense of humor. His commercials are funny because he doesn't take himself too seriously. He may not be as quick-witted as Richard Dawson, but he has to be better than Ray Combs.

* "American Idol" judge: If contestants thought Simon Cowell was intimidating, imagine how they would look with Ray Lewis jawing at them across the stage for missing the high notes. That dude's trash talk is so potent he would scare Norman Schwarzkopf.

* Car salesman: Tim Tebow had the best-selling football jersey in 2010. Maybe he can find a way to help the Motor City sell some cars to jumpstart the economy.

* Ritz-Carlton bellhop: The whole Chicago Bears offensive line would be perfect at this. They've gotten comfortable with people brushing past them. They allowed Jay Cutler to be sacked 52 times last season.

* World's Strongest Man contestant: What could be more exciting than watching Ndamukong Suh pull a train with a rope clenched tightly in his teeth? He probably did that for fun during his time at Nebraska.

* NCAA compliance coordinator: Cam Newton already seems to know his way around the loopholes that college athletes use to stay eligible. He can help keep his Auburn buddies above board for their run at another national championship.

* Mime: We can't let the players have all the fun. We know coach Rex Ryan can talk a big game. But what happens when you take his voice away? I'm guessing he'd get really good at the pouty look.

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