▪ New Education Initiative Replaces K-12 Curriculum With Single Standardized Test
▪ ‘This Will Be the End of Trump’s Campaign,’ Says Increasingly Nervous Man for 7th Time This Year
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▪ Congress Marks 3rd Anniversary of Doing Nothing After Newtown
▪ Man Always Carries Gun in Case He Needs to Escalate Situation
▪ White House Running Out of Paintings to Cover Spots Where Obama Has Punched Through Wall
▪ Baby Has Sinking Feeling He Left Home Without Oversize Multicolor Plastic Keys