The following satirical headlines come from borowitzreport.com:EXPERTS PROPOSE PLUGGING OIL LEAK WITH BP EXECUTIVES; Submerging Execs Could Be 'Win-Win'BIN LADEN SAYS HE'S 'PROFESSIONALLY ENVIOUS' OF BP; 'I've Got to Step Up My Game,' Says MadmanCHINA TO STOP SPYING ON ITS PEOPLE, WILL USE FACEBOOK INSTEAD; Social Network to Replace Listening Devices, Spy SatellitesCITING KAGAN'S LACK OF JUDGING EXPERIENCE, GOP PROPOSES PAULA ABDUL; Republicans Show Support for Former 'Idol' Star
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