The following satirical tweets and news headlines are by Andy Borowitz:
– U.S. calls WikiLeaks "worst invasion of privacy since Facebook"
– U.S. transfers airport security from TSA to TMZ; gossip site “less invasive,” Homeland chief says
– A more accurate title for Palin's "America By Heart": "All I Know About America Is Written on My Hand"
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– Obama's new children's book great, once you get past the first chapter about health care reform
– Somali pirates refuse to board Carnival Cruise ships; cite “unsafe working conditions”