"President Obama is going on a 10-day vacation to Martha's Vineyard in August. Obama was like, 'This is my longest vacation ever,' and voters were like, 'Wait'll you see the one we're planning for you!'" — Jimmy Fallon
"An American named Bob Dudley is BP's new CEO. Nice to see an American taking a job from a foreigner for once." — Jay Leno
"Intelligence agencies have almost deciphered the plot of 'Inception.'" — From David Letterman's "Top Ten Surprises in the Leaked Government Documents"