"President Obama has announced that he's approving construction of two new nuclear reactors. And George W. Bush immediately stood up and screamed, 'It's nucular!'" — David Letterman
"A new Gallup poll found that 44 percent of Americans would vote for President Obama in 2012, while 42 percent would vote for a Republican candidate. If you are wondering about the other 14 percent, let's just say Bieber fever has gotten a little out of control." — Jimmy Fallon
"President Obama in Washington met with the Dalai Lama, despite strong objections from the Chinese government. China considers the Dalai Lama a threat to their sovereignty and warned that if Obama met with him, it would damage U.S.-Chinese relations. They've even threatened to stop sending us poisonous toys." — Jimmy Kimmel
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