"I don't want to say this Obama love is out of control, but his acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize just won a Pulitzer Prize, and his overall performance has just won an Oscar." — Craig Ferguson
"The chairman of the Nobel committee remarked that Obama's leadership is a 'call to action,' not to be confused with Bill Clinton's leadership, which was a call to get action." — Jimmy Fallon
"In Minnesota, a man was arrested because he threw two tomatoes at Sarah Palin during a book signing. Security immediately arrested the guy and gave him his own show on MSNBC." — Conan O'Brien
"Santa Claus is working very hard with his elves to make sure every child gets at least one toy this Christmas, or as Glenn Beck calls that, 'socialism.'" — Jay Leno
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"According to the CIA, Osama bin Laden periodically sneaks into Afghanistan. Well, a guy's got to have fun. You know what I mean? What happens in Kabul stays in Kabul." — David Letterman