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Late-night laughs

"The president is going to deliver his speech to the nation's schoolchildren next Tuesday. It will be about how if you study hard, you can become the most popular person in the world for eight months, then, suddenly, not so much." — Jimmy Fallon

"Do you know that some politicians are seriously suggesting Dick Cheney should run for president? These politicians are called 'Democrats.'" — Craig Ferguson

"Dick Cheney and, running as vice president, Sarah Palin. Huh? Talk about your dream ticket, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, buddy, the comedy recession is over." — David Letterman

"A spokesperson for Sarah Palin says she's about 85 percent finished with her book, which means that Sarah Palin is finished with her book." — Conan O'Brien

"In an interview, President Obama has said that picking up his dog Bo's poop is one of the highlights of his day. The interview was published in the Journal of Depressing Metaphors for the State of America." — O'Brien