"Just a day after saying he wouldn't go anywhere in confined places like an aircraft or a subway because of the swine flu, Vice President Biden rode a train from Washington to Delaware. You know what that means? Not even Joe Biden listens to Joe Biden." — Jay Leno
"President Obama may choose a Supreme Court nominee by the end of the week. That's fast. Nothing against the president, but doesn't it worry you that it took him 10 times longer to decide on a dog?" — Craig Ferguson
“President Obama attended an early Cinco de Mayo event at the White House, but he mistakenly greeted guests with the phrase, 'Welcome to Cinco de Cuatro,' which means 'five of four.' Maybe it's the White House itself that makes people dumb." — Jimmy Kimmel
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