My e-mail inbox is always so full you'd think I was someone important. Once in a while there's an e-mail that stops me in my tracks.
"Hi Bonnie. Now you and your readers can dress like the fierce dancers and celebrities on their favorite TV show, 'Dancing With the Stars.' "
This is scary on so many levels.
First of all, I could not imagine myself in any of the dresses the "fierce" dancers wear. Those frocks — often teeny-tiny — seem to defy gravity and bare body parts that not everyone should bare.
I'm not so sure many of my readers would be interested, either. The author of this press release needs to realize that most of my readers are actually shaped like real human beings instead of Barbie dolls.
Let's face it, all the double-sided tape and fishing line in the world isn't going to make me or my readers look like we do nothing but dance all day and work out most of the night.
But here's what the rest of the press release reveals. Later this month, a formal wear label, La Femme, will launch a collection of 30 cocktail and evening dresses inspired by (important words) the show's award-winning costumes.
The dresses are pretty in the photos, but then I'm a sucker for evening gowns. Locally, Parrot-fa-Nalia, 1719 N. Hillside, carries LaFemme.
You can look at the collection online at www.lafemmefashion.com. I wonder if wearing a LaFemme creation makes you dance like Carrie Ann Inaba?
Love chocolate? Think of a dark chocolate truffle. Now think about rubbing it all over your body. OK, now stop. Really, stop.
We're not talking a regular truffle here.
The Body Deli, at www.thebodydeli.com, has a new chocolate body scrub. For $32, a jar of Dark Chocolate Truffle Body Scrub can be yours.
The company says it's made with certified organic Ecuadorian cacao beans, butters such as organic African shea, organic cocoa and organic virgin coconut butter. Sounds like you need a spoon, not a shower.
It also contains extra-fine-grain sea salt. Mmm, sweet and salty.
According to the press release, it "polishes away dull skin while leaving a delicious aroma on the skin."
That's the problem. Chocolate lovers would go around sniffing their arms all day and wanting to head to Cero's and Cocoa Dolce.
A few years ago I bought a candle that looked and smelled like a cinnamon roll. I swear it was all I could do to keep from taking a big bite out of it.
Life is tough enough without torture by olfactory.