What's considered proper here? Should we have said something initially about her radically changed appearance? We were afraid if we ignored it she'd be disappointed. Having spent that much money and gone through that much pain, wouldn't she have been crushed if we hadn't? —INQUIRING MINDS

Dear Inquiring: When someone has spent big bucks on plastic surgery, the one question that person does NOT want to hear is, "Have you had some work done?" If someone has a good surgeon, the results are subtle, not radical.

A more tactful way to have approached your co-worker would have been to say, "Marilyn, you look wonderful — so RESTED. That trip took years off you ..." Then, if Marilyn wanted to share her secret, she could have — or just said thank you.

Dear Abby: My husband and I have always been active. We're avid campers and certified scuba divers; we water-ski and enjoy taking leisurely rides along country roads on our motorcycle.

I recently had an accident and had to have an X-ray of my spine. Afterward, my doctor informed me that the vertebrae in my neck are positioned in such a way that if I'm ever in another accident, I would probably become a paraplegic.

My husband now wants to sell our motorcycle and do everything possible to "protect" me. How do I tell this wonderful man that I don't want to change our lifestyle? We do not do anything dangerous, but he insists that we now have to watch out for "the fools out there." —ADVENTURER IN ALBANY, GA.

Dear Adventurer: I agree with your husband. There is no denying that motorcycles can be dangerous even when the riders are taking every precaution. However, perhaps you should consider getting a second medical opinion. If the second doctor agrees with the first, then you and your husband must decide whether a leisurely ride in the country is worth the risk of a lifetime in a wheelchair, because that outcome would affect him, too.

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