The following satirical headlines come from theonion.com:
▪ Poll Finds Many Voters Would Support Equally Unlikable Third-Party Candidate
▪ Donald Trump Rift Not What Paul Ryan Needed in Middle of 14-Day Cleanse
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▪ Report: More Companies Offering Paid Maternity Leave to Mothers Who Complete 3 Months of Work Ahead of Time
▪ Chinese Astronomers Inform Beijing Residents Sky Will Be Visible for Rare 2-Minute Window Tomorrow Morning
▪ ‘The Time to Act Is Now,’ Says Yellowing Climate Change Report Sitting in University Archive