"President Obama won another Nobel Prize today, this time in medicine, for pretending to give up smoking." — Jay Leno
"The Nobel committee is saying the reason they gave Obama the peace prize is for reducing tension around the world. So, the runners-up for this year's Nobel Prize were red wine and the Brookstone three-speed massaging recliner." — Conan O'Brien
"Sarah Palin's memoir will be out next month. Revelations in the memoir. The last couple of months on the campaign, it was actually Tina Fey." — David Letterman
"One of the top-selling costumes this Halloween is a vampire version of President Obama called 'Barackula.'. . . Not so popular: 'Congressman Barney Frankenstein.'" — O'Brien
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"President Obama wants to send $250 checks to over 57 million American seniors. When he heard the news, John McCain was like, 'Forget everything I said. This guy's awesome!'" — Jimmy Fallon