"Obama is spending the week at a $30,000 dollar-a-week beach house. And they call this guy a socialist? Come on!" — David Letterman
"On Martha's Vineyard they're serving a new drink inspired by Obama. It's an Obamarita. After three Obamaritas, a $9 trillion deficit doesn't look so bad." — Letterman
"Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke has been a victim of identity theft. His credit card company became suspicious when they noticed repeated purchases of large, failing American car companies." — Conan O'Brien
"The Cash for Clunkers program was a big hit. . . . The idea was if you have a car that guzzles gas, you can get $4,500 for abandoning it on the White House lawn." — Jimmy Kimmel
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"Another Cash for Clunkers program I guess they're scheduling for like six months from now, when the Minnesota Vikings try to trade Brett Favre." — Kimmel