Whenever I receive a letter like yours, I always ask myself why you’ve decided to turn your back on God and rely instead on yourself. Is it because you have serious intellectual doubts? Is it because you’ve been turned off by some inconsistent Christian you’ve known? Perhaps, but I suspect your real problem is elsewhere. I suspect your real problem is simply that you want to run your own life. You don’t want anyone — including God — telling you what to do.
But some day you’ll realize that you aren’t as strong as you thought you were. What will happen, for example, when sickness or the infirmities of old age overtake you, or you can’t free yourself from an addiction? What will happen when you face death and find yourself like those of whom the Bible speaks: "Separate from Christ ... without hope and without God in the world" (Ephesians 2:12)?
I invite you to look at Jesus with an open heart and mind, as He is found in the pages of the New Testament. The greatest discovery you will ever make is the joy of knowing Christ and His will for your life.